Trial Results

Is it worth crying over your trial marks?
To me it isn't worth crying over
because you know what you did and you know how much effort you put into it.
But I wanna cry.
I really just wanna breakdown and cry cause I am such a failure.
How can I do so bad?
How can I left myself fall behind my own expectation.
If I can't even reach my expectation, how am I meant to meet other people expectation.
I didn't wanna cry in school and I just held it in as best as I could.
But once I was out of school and away from people I know.
I couldn't hold it in.
I just couldn't.
I began tearing up on the bus stop and on the bus.
Tears roll down and there was nothing I could do to control it.

I realised some things and I need to change.
I have to.
I am need to study a lot more.

I know a couple of my friends would read this.
I don't want them to know I cried but I need somewhere to express myself.
So here I am blogging about it for just a few seconds.
I will study better starting today.
I need to do better for my HSC
otherwise I might as well just face my fears and do something I hate.

. . .  depression is falling through again. I wonder if anything can bring me back from falling down this endless, pitch black hole.

TT^TT