Questions?

I don't know what is with me tonight but I suddenly have these questions that I really wanted to ask Ling about. However, I couldn't really ask cause he was with a friend while on a skype call with me and I didn't feel comfortable asking while his friend is there.

You know, I always wonder why Ling had decided to date me. I come to realise and remember that I sort of made it very obvious that I liked him before he told me he liked me. But I wonder what made him choose me and if it is like what he says about having a lot of other girls chasing after him then why had he not choose them and instead choose me.

I question myself constantly and asking myself whether I am really a good girlfriend cause I feel that everything I do doesn't seem good enough. I constantly feel that I am not good enough and that there is other people better.

I am a very jealous person and honestly I don't really like hearing about Ling and how other girls flirts with him or so he says. I heard that you are jealous because you feel insecure about yourself and yes I am insecure about myself. About my appearance, about my personality, about myself generally. Everything about me seems so standard and likely even below that. I have no good-looking appearance. My personality is too nice (sounds good but has it disadvantages) and I feel like I am too shy or embarrassed to really express my true feelings.

Haha~ I have such a low self-esteem at the moment.

You know there is this girl, I really dislike. I don't even know her and maybe she has a really nice personality but I don't like her. Why? Cause I can feel that she hates and I know that she has some kind of friendship with Ling. She has things that I don't. She is good at playing games, she looks pretty good in pictures that I have seen her in and well there interactions with each other seem close-ish. Yes, you can say I am jealous. Reason I started thinking about this was I remember hearing a compliment about something she did that was good maybe an artwork or some kind of makeup thing, I don't know.

Just AHH~~~ Why am I so insecure? >.< I really want to know why Ling had choose me and what he liked about me or likes about me. I don't think he has ever really told me what he likes about me. He always says he doesn't know why he likes me. The response varies depending on his mood but he never honestly told me.

Is it just his hormones running wild? Yeah probably is. . . What am I expecting? I should know that most high school relationships or first relationships have a very low chance of lasting. He also varies in his response about it as well one minute he says he would be with me forever and take care of me and the next he would say you never know maybe some thing happens and we end up breaking up.

I am so confused. I don't know anymore.  Why is love so confusing?

I feel so lost right now and I barely understand what I am saying and just have so much questions and problems. I shouldn't even be worrying about it cause the main focus is HSC but you know I really do love Ling. It is hard describe what it is like but I not sure that he feels the same way even though he might say he does. You really never know what he is thinking.

AHHH~~~ So complicated. . . How am I meant to sleep with all this spinning around my head? I NEED ANSWERS TT^TT