Reflecting. . .

I am just thinking a lot today. . . I was watching videos of BTS and I found out the meaning behind their new song and I feel like I connect with the song a bit considering it was talking about the danger of relationship and how one side feels that they are giving more while the other isn't doing much at all.

Remember in the video, Jimin was worried on how he would expresses a male character who doesn't receive texts and calls from his girlfriend. This got me thinking. Am I a good girlfriend? Yes, my friends said I am and all that but really am I?

Sometimes I feel that I need to be more initiative and decisive and plan things so that it seems that I contribute to the relationship and making and effort. But then again, I never ask anything for him other than his loyalty and love and that is all I really want in a relationship. I want someone to love me, understand me and makes me happy every time.

Though I noticed Ling doesn't seem to notice somethings I do and at times he doesn't understand the nervous and fear I have one I do something that is out of my comfort zone, like sneaking out at night without my parent knowing. I would never do it before and for him I did. But I know he doesn't see that and I guess I need to show him I care and love him as much as he loves me.

Sigh, I'm confused, upset and just not sure. Yesterday, I was upset and angry for every bad thing he had said about me that made me hurt so much. But then again I realised that at one point of the day I wasn't really a good girlfriend and I think I might have made Ling think I don't know him well enough. This was cause he wanted me to get him something and I had to decided. I didn't want to though I thought maybe kebab but then I was like nah maybe not and I got M.V to decide for me and she ended up with the kebab. Another thing was the sauce I thought I should have told them to but chilli sauce knowing Ling likes it but then since Maria order it for me, I felt like I shouldn't say it and I didn't. This made Ling thing I didn't know what he liked and that he was angry that I didn't decided though I thought but just didn't but my thoughts into action. . .  Sigh

I don't know, I feel bad for not being good enough girlfriend to Ling but then again I am still a little hurt from the things I remember yesterday. I guess my mood has dropped once again. If it would pick up any time soon would depend on how I feel when I wake up tomorrow morning. =.= Night everyone.