RAGING

Where to start??? So many emotions running in my head at the moment and the one that is most dominant is anger. I don't know what is with me but I am getting really easily anger recently. Yesterday with Ling, I did get anger but then again I am always anger by him and I know he is joking with me and teasing and I let it go easily.

Off topic but Ling went to actually try on a suit yesterday, made me happy to know that he is actually coming to my formal though he doesn't wanna take me to his and honestly I rather not go. I feel that I need to show off and make myself look really really good that way making Ling like good among his friends. Plus he is so popular and all that I just don't really wanna all that attention. Though, he did say he doesn't wanna go to his. . . who knows. I am happy he is coming to mine, I wish all my friends went to formal that would be fun ^-^ Oh well I know some people don't wanna come for whatever reasons they have. This time around I will let it be and I won't convince anyone.

Back on my original topic. Last night, I was angry at my dad and also fought with him. I am not sure why I react the way I did and in fact I know there was a better way to deal with it but I couldn't do it that way. I didn't wanna sleep yet and my dad kept forcing me to go to sleep. It just irritated me, I know sleeping early for my benefit and so forth but gosh I don't care I wanna do what I want and there isn't anything he can do about it. I don't know I was so angry about it yesterday. I sort of went out in my own little tantrum and yes a stupid reason to get angry. But I don't know what was with me I got so angry and I ended up bashing my fist into the wall though it wasn't to hard cause it didn't hurt at all (unless I was to angry to feel it. . . Haha nah I am scared of pain, I was a little cautious of it.) I did break down to tears but for a few seconds cause the anger was overwhelming. I just overreacted and now I know things may not go down that well when he comes home tonight.

Over small trivial thing happened today, which is with my mum when she keeps coming in my room and at one time checking on what I was doing. She kept asking me are you doing you work, what is that you are reading. I just flipped out and told her to get out and just told her she was annoying. It was a big thing like it was with my dad and my mum seem to understand to leave me alone cause she left my room. I feel really bad but then I just don't feel in the mood. Today I just feel so down and every little thing seem to make me angry.

I cried again today but this time from watching something but to me it wasn't that upsetting but I had a feeling that I was not just crying because of the thing I was watching but I feel that I was pouring out all my frustration and anger out as well. I don't know But I feeling so. . . messed up. I don't know even know what I am feeling but everything feels so negative at the moment. But if I look on the bright side negative charges attract positive charges and therefore something positive will come my way (going into some science things haha.)

I will cheer up soon just I need to hide in a corner and calm myself down.