Family Life. . .

I don't understand. . .

My hearts hurts when I thinking about it in so much detail.

It is a part of my life that I could never escape from.

It is a part of me that would remain forever.

I hate it so much that it would never leave.

Today during dinner, my dad was talking about taking an exercising machine from my sisters house and bring it here. The minute I heard this, I knew more problems and arguments are going to arise and it is going to pain my hurt once again. No one would ever be able to understand the strong hatred my sister would always have for our dad. No one would understand how much pain my dad has caused. I told part of my family life to Ling and yet I see that even he doesn't understand. I remember once hearing him say that what ever my dad has done has made my sister what she is. He doesn't understand that what my dad has done has only cause distance among themselves and hatred to linger. There was better was my dad could have dealt with these situations and not left this bitter end to there relationship.

I come to realise that I don't think many people would except that you can hate someone even though you share the same blood, even though you are family. They say you can't hate family but the truth is you can and I have seen it. It is sad seeing people that are meant to be so close yet they are far from it. I know and my mum knows that the hatred that crouches within my sister is something that would never disappear.

I sort of went off the point I really wanted to make. . .

So yeah, my dad wanted to bring over an exercise machine and not even ask my sister for her permission and I just sigh at this fact. My mum had to comment on it and bring my dad wanting to lecture me about it. I obviously avoided it by saying I am busy. But honestly, it is not very polite to just take someone stuff without asking even if it is from family. If it was a pen it is fine or something small but this is something much bigger. Another thing is that my dad think that since my sister his is own daughter that he can demand anything he wants from her or that what ever she has belongs to him. It is not the case.

My sister works hard to earn her own money. She works hard to get her own independence. She works hard to get out of this house and away from my dad and not everything she earns belongs to him. Because my dad has done nothing, nothing for my sister to deserve anything from her. Another than my dad giving her life and providing for her growth in life. My dad has never ever provided my sister with the love that she needed. (I admit I don't know if before I was born if he had but from what I can remember there was none)

Off my point again. . .

So hearing what my dad made me feel like he has now common sense or any manners. In addition, knowing my sister she would be very unhappy about my dad taking her exercising machine and in the end she wouldn't even want it back cause my dad has used it. This would then again lead to so much arguments as my dad would be so angry and unhappy about it.

But that isn't the main reason why I feel so depressed. I feel so depressed knowing that my sister would never have a good relationship with my father. And because of there relationship are family would never be complete. In fact, even without the broken relationship between them, my dad has already broken this family and even though we lived under the same roof. I feel like we are miles away from each other. This isn't a home.

I wonder if I will ever be able to my find that comforting and loving home.

Alright, I finished my small rant. I can continue to be happy again. I decided to type this up cause I was feeling down about everything that had happened at dinner and I really didn't wanna disrupt my friends cause it seems like I always dependent on them when I feel down. I don't wanna burden them. So I finish my little depression rant and I shall erase everything from memory and continue to be the happy and positive girl that my friend know me as ^.^