Everyone change's through life. There is the obvious and there are the not as obvious. Yesterday, I met a family friend for a little while. His name is Jason and about 5 yrs younger than me. I saw him and. . . wow he has changed. He is a little bit more mature as to be expected over the years. But the most obvious thing was he was so tall and skinny. My gosh. . I remember when I was taller than him what happened.
Yes, I know. Guy's are meant to be taller than girls but the difference in height. Sigh~~~ Feel like such a shortie but then again I don't mind my height too much it is more the other stuff that worry me. hehe~~~
Seeing him change. I look at myself. . . I definitely notice some changes it isn't obvious before but it is now. My taste of music changed from being a gentle, romantic love songs into strong beats, hiphop-pop sort of music. Seems like a pretty big change.
But that change isn't a big thing.
The one that bothers me is my use of language. To many people using coarse language is like everyday life, it just comes out naturally and you don't care and no one else around would care. Everyone around me knows that I rarely ever swear and when I do it when I am really angry or when it comes out subconsciously. Personally, I don't like swearing especially using the B word or the F word. Just no, I don't like it. I don't mind people around me using it cause it what most people use nowadays but for me just no.
I noticed, that I become careless in my use of words and using the words I despise seems to come more naturally and I don't think of even stopping it. I sort of just speak whatever that pops in my head first and I don't like it. I just don't wanna use those words. Ok, this to many might be a stupid thing to worry about but it is important to me cause I don't wanna be that kind of person that would use these word in every sentence I speak or just use the word often.
I am not sure why I despise these words so much, but I do. I need to change back to the polite use of language again. I am not willing to follow that trend of coarse language. However, I do have to speak the other side cause sometimes when I use it I feel relief. I feel like I am showing a more open side of myself and not that side who worries too much or cares what other people perceive of me.
When using that language I feel like I am actually showing a different side of me that people wouldn't never expect from me. I am always seen as the good girl or the girl that isn't willing to take risk. The one the worries too much and gets paranoid about every single little thing. I sort of wanna break that view of me because I don't wanna be a good girl. In fact I actually wanna go and take risks be adventurous. Is that really bad??? So using coarse language is sort of breaking the good girl barrier.
So I don't know. I don't wanna use such bad language but I still wanna not be trapped by that side of me that never wants to take that risk and try something different. Don't wanna be predictable. I am confused right now. All this talking about using coarse language has trapped me in a loop. . .
Oh well. . . Since I am not sure what I am saying anymore. I might as well move one and continue studying for my exams. ^-^
No comments:
Post a Comment