Somehow, I managed to depress myself once again. Not like I wanted to but it just os happens that I did. It is from a wound that can never heal. A pain never stops. You smile like it's bandaid you cover it up and seal it from the outside world. Hoping over time that it would heal like every over wound you get but this wound is something that could never heal. It leaves a fragile scar that with one pinch you would expose a new wound deeper than the last. I haven't feel this pain in a while. I thought it healed I thought the bandaid had kept everything away from my wound.
I wonder, if I follow the same steps as my mother took. The steps which I thought would lead to happiness but it so happens I took the wrong turn and landed in a life time of pain. I am naive and I know that I am a pushover. I can easily be taken advantage up and I wouldn't know until I feel the pain.
I don't want to end up with someone like my dad. That would lead a life time of torture. But how do you distinguish the good from the bad? Even though I say this, somewhere in my heart I have a small ray of hope cause that ray of hope hasn't disappointed me yet. It may have cause some depression in the past but I still feel the warmth that it gives. I just hope this ray of hope won't turn into a ray of chaos.
I really don't know what I am talking about. I just feel that my heart is heavy and it hurts. I mean it literally hurts (though I worry it might be a result of trying to withhold my coughing throughout the day). Right now I need hug and reason why I have so many soft toys cause they would always be there when you want a warm hug but the problem is that you could hug them but they won't hug you back. Also they won't be there if you misplace them (:P).
Anyway, I think I would watch a funny variety show with BTS (the kpop band I like) to cheer me up.
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