Trusting You

Alright, I feel a bit better today at least I did for a while. I had a good day nothing bad but I'm still feeling kind of down and still haven't found the reason yet.

I told myself yesterday, to stop hoping cause if I hope for something than I would just end up being disappointed but I still did hope for something. The good thing is my hope came to life and I wasn't disappointed which gave me a sort of happy feeling but of course like I said only for a while.

I hope to see Ling today, cause I knew he had a dentist appointment around 3:00 and I just hope that I would be able to catch him. I did he called and decided to keep my company. In some way I wanted to be alone but this way is better cause I see him I just being near him is some sort of comfort. I was slightly wrong yesterday cause he did notice me mood yesterday but he just didn't do anything about it. I guess he thought I need space and at the back of my head a little voice had told me that might be the guess. That little voice reminded me that my sister had told me what her BF does when she is upset and not what she wants.

But at least it is good to know he noticed. Anyway, there was some things that worried me but there is a little conflict with my own thoughts right now. So Ling are talking normal and kind of updating what has been happening. I found he has been exercising which is good but also that he has a bike buddy which I knew that it was a girl mainly cause he didn't really state the gender which usually means it is a girl. Though I don't understand why he just doesn't tell me that it is a girl and so forth. I will feel more comfortable that way and less jealous.

We some how come across a topic where Ling had admitted he use to be a playboy which is a worry. I told myself I don't want to date a playboy ever cause I don't want my feelings to be played cause I am already naive and easily tricked. Though he did say use to and that he isn't anymore but still. . .

I don't know really. I am going to trust him cause I feel like that he is someone worth my trust. I would trust him until I am proven that he isn't trustworthy. I won't be jealous anymore and I won't think too much I would just let it be. What ever happens, happens. Nothing I can do.

So I get home from tutoring feeling not bad just felt a little weird and sort of in a good way but the mood just dropped along with the peaceful atmosphere at home.

In the end, I have ended up where I started feeling sort of depressed but I have something cleared at least. I will trust him (though I feel like I showed an untrusting side of me today >.<)