I hate talking to my dad about what course I want to do in the future, you know why? Because it is so annoying. I know he means well but. . . Geez. He is so annoying. He keeps telling me no you can't do this it doesn't suit you because you don't have this quality and that quality or you are not smart enough to do or that or. AHHH!!!
I hate it. He looks down on me. He thinks everything about me is bad. I already think that I don't need him to state it out and tell me that I am all suitable to be a nurse. I DON'T WANT TO BE A NURSE. I DON'T WANT THAT TO BE MY FUTURE. I DON'T WANT TO. I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO IT. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.
And know I am depressed cause I just heard everything, I don't want to hear. I loathe myself so much now that you can not imagine. I was angry and upset at the same time during that whole talk. You know what made me feel better or let me distract myself? I know my friends would hate me if they knew but I started hurting myself. That way I could feel pain that was worse then the conversation. That way I would concentrate on the pain more than the conversation. By the end my arm was red. I didn't hurt myself that badly. Just start pinching and squeezing my arm. It just felt a little pain cause I know I can't take anything worse.
Sigh~ Depression sinking in a little further. Rebecca don't kill me for what I did (>~<). The only thing keeping my spirits up is knowing that I get to see my 2 lovely friends tomorrow.
But for now. . . Depressed, Depressed, Depressed. TT^TT
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ReplyDeleteWHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOOK! NO MATTER HOW FURIOUS OR UPSET YOU ARE, DON'T HURT YOURSELF!!!! Why? If you concentrate yourself with more pain than that conversation, what will you gain? Ah~ to forget the conversation through agonising pain? Does that really work? Does that seriously work? I can't believe I am going through this again!!!
If you hurt yourself, you will be marked or scarred and that will be your reminder of the reason why you were upset or angry. DId you just want to forget that conversation during that moment? You hated that conversation so much that you hurt yourself, causing yourself feeling pain? Look!!! If you really want to forget about it, take some time and reflect! You don't need to rush anything. Lie down on your bed, calm yourself down, take a deep breath, close your eyes and think! Meditate! Even letting out tears are better than hurting yourself!
Just take a moment, and think... Think of your perspective, think of the argument of why you shouldn't be a nurse. Think of your dad's perspective. Why does he want you to be a nurse? Take a moment and think about it without a negative manner or a positive manner. State it honestly.
After thinking of both perspectives, do what is best for you. Consider it!
I honestly know how you feel. I've been there too! But HURTING, is not the answer to simply forget something. The actions you committed cannot be simply forgotten. You'll look at yourself in the future, and you will regret of the deeds you have acted. Why act foolishly in the moment where harsh incident occurred? Why not forget it slowly in a motionless state? Soon that depression will sink in but will be lifted above as time pass by.
Think wisely with your mind, control your emotions, control your actions. Think wisely. Causing yourself pain, would just be too painful for others around you. They won't be scarred physically but emotionally. The next time when you are upset or angry, and you hurt yourself again, it means you don't the ability to control yourself in a positive state. You'll just hurt yourself, and the next time you are upset or angry, you'll hurt yourself, again and again to the extent where you'll extremely even hurt yourself deeply which I don't like to think about.
Think wisely with your mind, control your emotions, control your actions. Do you have the capability of doing this? I don't see why not. I don't ever ever ever want to hear or see or read about my friend hurting herself. Because this is deeply scarred within me and its very painful. Always think positively Sakura.