Is it Me?

I don't know how to expressed this. I am worrying non-stop. Gosh I don't know. my heart is pounding so fast. I can't think properly. You see I haven't spoken to Ling that much recently and I feel drifted a bit. I feel like I have done something wrong and maybe I have. What did I do? Maybe I am not changing. . . I am trying to be more open. I am trying to step up. I promised to stop worrying but some worries is inevitable.

I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe. . . maybe he is upset with me cause I am not putting enough effort in. I should put more effort in. How should I put more effort? I should. . . I got ideas but then other things come in the way I think maybe if I do that I am being to clingy or I am going to disturb him or bother him or do something and make him unhappy. . .

I don't want to make anyone unhappy, especially Ling. I want to be able to keep the people around me happy and as close to me as possible. That is what I need to do. I need to show him how much he means to me.

Some times I worry and I can hear his response to it. But. . . Someone help me. I miss him and these things worry me and makes me feel really unsettled.

Question that pop up in my head:
Did I do something wrong?
Did I upset him?
Is he losing interest?
Should I call him and ask what he is doing?
Would I bother him if I call?
If I call what should I talk to him about?
What if he doesn't want me to talk to him?
How would he respond if I did this or that? (I dont know what this or that is)
Is he not happy?

Other thoughts that pop up in my head:
I need to change more.
I need to make him happy.
I need to show more of how I feel
I need to be more opened
I need to let him see that I love and care as much as he does for me
Maybe I am too late.

AHH!~!~!~ My mind is bombarded with these thoughts it is never ending. You know I don't show people how much I love and care for them. I hide it inside me cause I don't want to come out to clingy or needy or to strong. My way of loving and caring for someone is worrying for them. I want the best for them and I want to be the best for them. I don't know how to but I would find a way even if it cost my life I would aim to please the ones I love but one thing that they could never change is how much I worry for them. Cause if I dont worry for you it means you are not that important to me in my heart. My worry is the love I have for a certain person the more I worry the more love I have for them. I consistently worry about Ling and he is constantly on my mind.

I know that this relationship might not last but at this current moment I love him and from what I know right now he still loves me. It just worries me that if I don't speak to him for a long period of time that something bad might happen because it something bad had happend to a friend from a long period of not communicating with one another. I don't want to bring up cause I know she would read this and I feel bad if I did bring it up. I don't want what happened to her happen to me. I don't know if I can take it as well as her.

I should not think about it.
Think positive.
I must think positive.
I must. . .