I managed to make a friend happy and I am glad but now I am a little conflicted. I don't wanna worry my friends but I just need to get this out so I can go to sleep in peace or at least go to sleep feeling a little less burdened.
Anyway, I wonder to myself if head or heart is better to control me. For my friend, she seems to let her head rule but at times her heart takes control. But for me I think I let my head take most of my control that is why I fear so many thing and fear to take that step or that risk. As for my heart it wants to venture out and express it self more vibrantly and openly without the care of what people might think. My head stops it and that is where my worries come from. My head tells me the what if but then it is also my head that pushes my hopes down for further drop as I mentioned.
Who should I let control me? I want my heart to control me cause I feel it is braver and able to show and express my love the people around my more openly and the one person I want to express to. My head is the one the stopping me with those stupid what if questions.
What if he is busy?
What if he is on a call?
What if he doesn't wanna talk to you?
What if he is made at you for some random reason?
What if he needs space?
What if. . . too many >~<
You know what my hearts wants? My hearts want to call him and talk to him and tell him that I miss him and that I love him and ask if he is ok. Why didn't I? My head took most of that control it restricted me. Yes, I need my heart to rule. . . But would that lead to my trouble for me, I mean my heart is reckless and it would do anything.
We need that balance . . . But to get that balance is hard. . . Sigh. . .
Heart: Damn, you head. You stop me from showing an open side of myself. You had cause me a lot of trouble. You know, just stop being such a coward
Head: I am keeping us safe. Safe from being hurt and safe from being saddened or disappointed.
Heart: Take that risk you silly
Head: No, keep it safe.
Who should I listen to? Who ever I listen to would determine what I would do next?
Ok, I shall listen to that third person in me. That person that who is screaming go to sleep. Go to sleep and forget everything. Go to sleep and go to a beautiful dream and just dont wake up. haha kind of sound suicidal. No, it isn't. I just need rest. Yup that is it I am tired and making my mind all messed up in the add fact that I am having some mood swings. Yup I shall sleep.
Heart: I really miss him, though.
Head: Yes, I know. So do I.
Third person: Go to sleep and we can hopefully dream of him tonight ^.^
All together: ALRIGHT, LETS GO
(Sorry I think I just went crazy at the end. This mood swing and tiredness really brought out a new side of me haha. Goodnight. ZzZzZzZzZz...)
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