The Fall. . .

Well, I guess it is the time again. The time were I feel at the lowest.

Today I tried. . . I tried to keep a smile on my face but it hurts more than it seems.

I was in a good mood during the day yesterday cause I meet my onee-san yet once I got home my mood drop drastically. Ling didn't help much either on a call. If really doesn't know when to stop being so straightforward. I wish he would stop teasing me for just a while. I do like it sometimes cause somehow he cheers me up yesterday I wasn't up for it. It was just. . . I don't know what to say.

I know he knows how to be nice and sweet but I just wish he show that side more often.

Anyway, I was went to sleep in a horrible mood yesterday and I forced away my tears cause I knew that whatever I was upset about was not even worth it. So today, I fell all this negative energy around me and everything has lowered like my motivation to study and my self-esteem (even though that is already at its lowest.)

Ahhh~~~ I don't know maybe I am just a little moody =.=

Another I had decided today is that I don't want to meet anyone from Ling's school. Hearing about what onee-san had said about how Ling is popular and they all have talked about me. I just don't want people talking about me and judging me on my appearance and all that. Just no I won't be able to deal with that. At least not know. So it is decided that I don't wanna see people from his school and chance are I don't wanna go his formal if he asks but I might end up agreeing if he does (doubt it though).

I still want Ling to come to mine, but I am not forcing it anymore. I would ask one more time at the right time whether he wants to or not. If he says he doesn't want to go so be it then I won't ask him to come with me again. I will just go with my friends. I shall say sorry to S.Z and D.H who wanted him to drive us to darling harbour after though I still might be able to get that to happen it all depends.

So that is that. Decision for this down fall is that I don't care if Ling wants to go formal with me anymore and I don't wanna see his school mates (not that I would ever will). The end. . . Back to that boring study. . . if I can