Burst of Tears

I hate this control. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I felt like swearing and hitting the wall again but this time I was thinking and control all this fury. But cause of this it was all let out in tears and I couldn't control it.

To make things all clear I will go back to the start. Firstly, I would say I hate smoke and my dad smokes. I can't stop him, all I can do is get away from all the toxic fumes. Smokes travels upwards and inwards when he is standing outside but right infront of the screen door. The air moves in blowing the smoke inwards and it then travels upwards. I hate it, there is so much negative results of second-hand smoking and perhaps this could be a result of a personal reason I have.

Anyway, I closed my door to block out the smoke and my dad hates that for some reason. I hate not closing my door at night, a girl needs some privacy ok. He obviously doesn't understand that though I didn't explain to him then again would he listen. (Chain of thought there). So I argued with him, and well that leads back to the start.

I know this is small matter and why am I getting so worked up. Like I said before and in a previous post. I don't like to be control especially over these kind of matter. I don't like someone forbidding me to do something. If you have reasonable logic behind ok I will understand and consider and chances are listen to you. So far two things my dad has told me not to do and it isn't reasonable. AHHH~~~ I would swear but I can't. I wanted to say F*** but I paused and instead say far out. Couldn't bring myself to say but usually this shows how pissed I can get.

I know Ling heard the argument I had. I calmed my emotions before returning to my computer. As I put on my earphones, I heard Ling calling my name and replied not know that he heard me cry. After he respond he told me to stop crying and I had already stopped but surprised that he heard so much. After a few seconds talking to him, he cheered me up. We ended call for a brief while as he had something he had to do.

I guess, I feel better something still lingers behind me. I think that I overreacted with my dad and I shouldn't have raised my tempered. But I wasn't thinking about that then and he should be more reasonable. I have to end it here, my emotions are not exactly stable at the moment. Right now, I think I am fine.

Happy high has ended tonight. Wonder if I can pick it up tomorrow or not. Sigh~ We'll see. . .