NOT LISTENING~!~!~!

Today has been an ok day for me though at times at little lonely but compared to what happened at dinner being lonely seem so much better. As you all know, I dislike my family situation and today it is no different again as I have to listen to them b.... about each other during dinner again. At first, I could take the little comments they had but then my dad started rising his voice while my mum kept commenting about how the moment my father came home she becomes unhappy. Trying to keep the piece during dinner, I told them to please not argue while we are eating however, as usual they did not and would not answer. Both of them continued to b.... about each other as the voice became louder. One more time, I begged them to stopped their arguments during dinner just for dinner but it ended with no result again. The third time I just decide to say my thoughts out aloud by saying,
"So you guys won't listen to anything I say huh?" My dads replies me with something bad about my mum which I answered him with:
" I know, but I want to eat dinner in peace. I hear enough of your arguments already I don't want to hear it now." Finally, a little piece and quite but would it last? Unfortunately NO because just a few seconds later the b....... continues again, this time I felt tears starting to form but not yet able to drop. I quickly gulp down the last of my bowl of rice, place the bowl in the sink and run upstairs. I barely made it to my room when I had a small mental breakdown where tears stream down my face and I was unable to control it. I didn't want to enter my room as I had a call on with my two friends and did not want them to hear me as they are already so busy. Calming myself down in a couple of minutes I pushed myself up from the wall which I was leaning against through my mental breakdown.

Entering my room, I closed my door so that I can stop hearing any further arguments but decided to keep this from my friends. I don't need to bother them about my personal business especially when they are all so busy with there own studies. I'm slightly glad that Ling was on at the time, I still don't want to show that side of me yet even though I really wanted him there so I can hug him till my tears dry up.

After dinner, my dad came upstairs asking me why I close my door which I answered him honestly and said to block out there arguments. My dad complained to me that it isn't him who is arguing with my mum but it is my mum arguing with him. To me it makes no difference, the point is I am sick of it the fighting which continued the minute my mum came upstairs. Running to my room, closed the door beginning another mental breakdown as I leaned on the door. My mum tried coming in but was unsuccessful asking whats wrong which I just told her I don't want to hear you guys arguing which my mum gave up with the door and left me alone. My mum continued to argue with my dad as I continued my mental breakdown and repeating to myself that I am fine which worked. Now that everything is calm, I think I finally have calm down thankfully.

Sorry about my rambling and sorry for kind of using an inappropriate word but there was no other way to explain it. I am finally calm and happy.