It has been awhile since I blogged and a lot has happened. Well. . . Not that much except playing games and staying at home watching videos. I wanted to see my friends on tuesday in believing that everyone is free that day however I end up going out with one of the many people I have asked. I feel like I am neglecting them and not talking to them enough.
I recently also have noticed I become a bit more clingy with Ling. I mean I spent so much time with him on games and everything. But because I spent so much time with him I finally learn more things about him and find out some secrets. Though today I haven't spoken to him for a whole day and it feels. . . odd. . . He isn't telling what he has been up to and it sort of makes me feel insecure. It is just I like to know these things one for entertainment and two well I like to know how his day has been since I haven't spoken to him.
Another part of me feels like he doesn't wanna talk to me or wants his own space right now. I fear he thinks I am to clingy but then he says he misses me but his actions seems a little different. I don't know maybe I am overthinking it like I always do but I overthink to protect myself for hurting as well. Sigh. . . I don't know.
I feel that the future is so close yet so far away. I got my offer and got into the pretty good university for something I want to do but then I feel burden by it. I was happy about it, I truly was but now comes facing the problem of my dad. He doesn't want me to choose this course and absolutely in against it.
He wants me to become a nurse and he makes it like he knows me so well that my personality and my capacity is only good for that career. But he doesn't know me that well, he doesn't know how uncomfortable I get one I see someones else's pain I can't even take these pain myself. I will probably cry when someone else cries and I flinch when I see blood and cuts. It brings shivers down my spine. Just thinking of it scares me. People say I am scared of blood it isn't just that, when I see a cut I feel like it would hurt and I am uncomfortable even though the person with the cut may or may not feel it. But subconsciously my mind tells me it is gonna hurt and I freak out.
I admit I will have to see it when I be a teacher but I won't see it as often as I would becoming a nurse. So now comes to how to tell my dad that I am not gonna learn that course. Such a struggle in life.
Other things, I have been doing is trying to find a job which hasn't work out well recently but I have volunteered for 2 jobs and I need to attend an interview. I can't wait and I hope I get in cause it would be a good experience and I wanna try out different things to help improve my own abilities.
I have started to learn how to drive as well. That is coming along nicely. Driven about 4 hrs got a lot more to go, scared of learning how to park and still need quite a lot of assistance. But I am getting there. I am progressing through life slowly, though I still wish to continue just playing games and enjoying that freedom life I have.
However I need to become more independent need to get a move on. Job finding is my first priority now, not really still gonna game a bit :P
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