Hurting Myself

I realised, I have been hurting myself a lot recently and be sure not purposefully though I would admit I did try it today. Reason I say this is cause I found a blister on my toe which I know is a result of wearing high heels. My mistake next time I am gonna be sure not to ever where it out to the city again or maybe I just need more flats or other type of shoes. I had also hurt my arm a couple of weeks ago and last week or so I had hurt my ankle. So yeah, Spring hasn't been wonderful time for me so far.

Before I did say I tried to hurt myself, well that was cause I wasn't thinking properly and I was super angry and upset. I don't wanna ever tell anybody why I act the way I did cause the reason is pretty stupid. But I realised when you get to a point where you feel super angry and upset no matter how hard you hurt yourself it doesn't actually hurt or maybe I wasn't hard enough.

You see when I can't bear my angry or upset well I tend to squeeze my arm and sometimes my fingers will dig into my skin but not strong enough to pierce through. Well, I did that again today. I left about 4 nail marks on me which I am pretty sure would go away by tomorrow at least I hope it does cause I don't want anyone to see it.

To my friends who read this: Don't worry about me. I am fine I was able to get a good laugh and my dog, Lady seem to bring a smile to my face. Animals tend to do that. ^-^

I don't think Ling really noticed but somehow I feel like he felt that I need him. Cause while I was outside hugging my dog, I thought of Ling and how I would really like him to be near me at that moment. Later when I went up I realised I just missed 3 calls from him, somehow felt that he knew but didn't really. I called back but then it was very short and he seemed busy (thought he was studying but nope =.=). When the call ended so quickly, I felt a little disheartened but then again I thought nope I am strong girl, no one cares about me and I just need to stand up, be happy like I should be. It did make me feel better in a way cause I was supporting myself that way.

I was happier later cause my friend had made me laugh with a definition of something and I was pretty happy to listen to Ling's voice cause he seemed so happy playing his LOL game. I really hope, I can hear his happy voice more often. It makes me smile and I need that at a time like this. Oh well. It is fine. I feel ok now just a little tired. Should sleep early.