Karaoke Bar

Today was another busy day. I had to my passport done and I decided to get some clothing I needed before going to the city to shop more with Beautiful. Before meeting with Beautiful, I was with my mum and spent more time with her.

During that time, I finally was able to tell her the truth about Ling and know she knows I am dating. It is sort of a relief let her know but then she said the things I thought she would which is "no wonder ur marks dropped" she blames him for my concentrate and study which is as expected and reason I took my time telling her.

So after spending time with my mum, I traveled to the city to meet up with Beautiful but she was a little late so I wonder around in search for Ling's birthday present.  Once Beautiful arrived we continued to shop around and finally decided on what brand of headsets to get.

We sat and just talked until Ling called that he finished he exams. Waiting for him took so long and when he finally came we travelled to the karaoke place during that time Beautiful gave Ling a league of legends card. I pretend that the present wasn't for him though obviously was. Karaoke was really fun and we had also order some cocktails and a bit of food.

After that Beautiful and I had to go home we then just went our separate ways. But it was a good day other that feeling a little depressed after. Now I don't feel as sad but it is still there. . . I can feel it lingering.

Dating a popular guy

I feeling sort of depressed. Why? It does seem to make sense after I just had gone karaoke and drink a cocktail with my beautiful and Ling just a while a go. Why am I depressed all of a sudden? Maybe this is stupid. . . But finding out that ur bf is busy everyday for the next 3 weeks makes me feel alone.

I know, he needs his time with his friends and all that but it feels like I wont seem ever for the next 3 weeks and probably for longer because cause I gotta go for my korea trip.  Does he really wanna not see me for more than a month? Am I being selfish that I want him see him and talk and. . .

This is the problem dating a guy who is popular. It is feels like u r fighting for attention and I could never admit it to him cause I dont wanna seem needy and I want him to put some time in for me. I want to be high on his priority list. I honestly dont wanna always sneak out at night or sneak around doings things.

I can't.  I don't know I am feeling super depressed and I feel selfish and bad about myself. AHHHH~

I. . . >~< can't even express myself. Just gonna bathe in my sorrow for now.

Happy Birthday to me~

Today is a big day. Why you ask? Well, I have officially turned 18 and I am officially an adult. I had a great day so far so much has happened and now I am really exhausted but I shall continue blogging. So around midnight, 3 people had said happy birthday to me. First was Ling who was on a call with me and had is webcam on second came 2 texts literally one sec apart. Beautiful sent a long special text to me after came E.W who really wanted to be the first person to text me. I am sowwie next time ^.^

So that night, I secretly met up with Ling at night and celebrated my birthday with him for a while. In the morning when I woke up, I went out with my mum first to complete my passport application and then to shop for formal dresses but so much happened that we didn't really have time shop for formal dresses.

So first, we went to the post office and found out that I needed an ID to prove who I am therefore we need to go to an RTA so I can get one. We traveled to the closest RTA only to find it that it was closed and decided that we should go to the when near central. We figure out that the one in central was a little different and to get my photo ID there I need to wait 5-10 days and my mum wanted to complete things right away. The next RTA place was all the way at Bondi Junction, a place my mum and I never been to. So we went exploring there to find and RTA where I finally got an photo ID took me long enough.

So after getting which took about 30 mins, we decided to wonder around the westifield there and wow it had all the big brands and everything. Anyway didn't find anything that was suitable for me and therefore left to townhall for lunch. For lunch, for the first time since I turned 18 I had my first taste of alchol which was this apple cider. . . To be honest, I don't like it and I can't stand the taste. I don't think I am an alcohol drinking person it just doesn't taste nice to me.

Anyway, after lunch I wanted to go search for headphones cause I wanted to buy it for Ling but only saw the prices and I didn't know which ones to look for or what is good. So in the end we decided to leave to get my passport done only to realise I needed an appointment at the passport office. So instead I made appointments to complete it tomorrow.

Towards the end of the day, my mum brought a cake and lit a candle to celebrate my 18th bday though really I think she was more interested in taking photos then really wishing my happy birthday. To be honest, it was to be expected a cake, a candle and then you light the candle. You blow it out and then you cut the cake. No song, no birthday wishes. I knew it.

I won't get depressed about it though cause no point plus I tried alcohol and yeah one thing I wanted to do is complete and my conclusion is I don't like cider and lager or beer. I think I need really sweet ones but I feel like I won't like that either. Oh well. It has been a good birthday so far, I am happy. ^.^

Birthday Dinner with Sis

So after all my exams, my sister had planned to go out with me to eat dinner and so I came home to change before meeting my sister. Before leaving the house, I meet my family friend who I haven't seen in a while and she gave me my birthday presents. One was a really nice bag which I used to go out with my sister and the second was another BTS album ^.^ New goal get all their albums MWAHAHAHA~~~

:P Yes I was very happy with the gifts. Extremely happy. Anyway, so I meet with my sis and her bf for dinner at this karaoke bar and restaurant where we had dinner first. My sis bf, I had to leave soon after due to work so instead I karaoke with my sister for 2hrs it was pretty fun. I really enjoy hanging out with my sister and I don't do it very often. I enjoyed myself.

My sis also gave me my bday present which was one of those perfume sets from Marc Jacob's Honey. It smells pretty nice, it shall go on my favourite collection where most of my perfumes are :P

HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY. I enjoyed myself and currently there is about 45mins before my birthday where I finally turn 18 I wonder how many people remembers. . .

OH WELL HAPPY ^.^

Freedom~~~

I AM DONE~~~

FINALLY DONE.

THE RELIEF

THE HAPPINESS

NOTHING CAN DESCRIBE THIS FEELING

OMG

FEEL SO MUCH LIGHTER 

LIKE I AM FLYING

SO SO HAPPY~~~

ONE MORE DAY

OMG~~~

ONE MORE DAY AND I AM DONE

ONE MORE DAY AND I FINISH HSC

ONE MORE DAY AND I AM FREE

I CAN PLAY.

I CAN WATCH

I CAN SLEEP

I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT. . .

But that is after tomorrow =.= 

Still gotta study right now. . .

Life moves so slowly. . .

. . .

NOOOO, I DONT WANNA STUDY TT^TT

Tandem Bike Ride

One thing, I wanted to experience in my life was completed today. I always wanted to try riding a tandem bike especially with someone special in your life and even though I was mean't to be studying today instead I went for an exercise. I went out with Ling, the plan was to go have lunch and go study in Strath lib however things don't always go to plan.

So we went to a restaurant and had pasta, lamb skewers and crepes for desert. A very delicious lunch a bit expensive though but oh well you must enjoy life to the fullest. Anyway, so after lunch I taught Ling to deposit money before travelling to the lib which we ended up staying in the car and study. However I was tired and had no motivation to study that day so I sort of just slept on him for a while.

Ling got bored of study and wanted to go somewhere else and so in the end we left to olympic park and hire a bike and rode it around the place. This is the first time I rode a tandem bike and at first I thought it would be hard but it wasn't that hard as long as both people are peddling. Yes, I really do enjoy riding a bike it was my favourite past time when I was younger and I am sure my family friend knows this pretty well.

AHHH~~~ It was so fun and enjoyable however, it was a little hot but all good. After 1hr of bike riding, we went to have some frozen yogurt before he sent me home. I was really happy today and also happy about the fact I was slightly honest to my mum that I was going to go out and Ling was picking me up though she didn't know I wasn't at the lib. . . But oh well the truth shall be revealed to her pretty soon and I am pretty sure she already knows but doesn't say anything until I tell her.

I wonder how I am gonna tell her and what her reaction will be. . . Oh well. It was definitely a good day.

How did the exam go?

My parents keep asking me how my exam went 

and it is annoying cause they expect me to tell them everything. 

They think I know exactly how well I did and I do. 

But I don't wanna tell them for a good reason. 

I know the thoughts and judgements they are gonna make. 

I don't wanna let them know about it. 

To be honest, I stuffed up my maths exam and I know it. 

I don't want them to know that cause once they do well. . . 

they are the typical asian parents nothing more to say about that. 

But truthfully, the exam was easy and I just stuffed it up. 

So pissed at myself for it. 

Hate it so much. 

I am gonna fail my HSC >~< 

Birthday Surprise

Yesterday, I wanted to surprise Ling and get him something for his special day. I know what B'day present I wanna get him but I am wanting till HSC is over so that I can research and get him the best one I can.

Anyway, so yesterday I had ask Beautiful to accompany in the morning to get a B'day Cake for Ling cause I wanted to surprise him. We devised a plan to trick and surprise Ling. The plan was for me to go to the park and prepare the cake and candles while Beautiful tricks him in thinking that I was upset. She will then lead him into the park where I would have lit the candle and jumped out so that we could sing him the happy birthday song.

I was really worried that something would go wrong and it was also very annoying at the park cause it was so loud and a little awkward when you are sitting by yourself with a cake and no one around you. People just watched me thinking ok lonely girl celebrating her B'day. It isn't like that (>.<). I tried to listen intently so I could hear them clearly and a couple of times I mistake other people's voices.

Oh well, so I waited for Beautiful's signal and then prepared the cake. I was going to hold the cake in front of me but when I was picking it up. I heard Ling call out my name and I turned around and I saw him trying to get to me. He was a couple of metres away from me and paused a few seconds before he realised what was going on.

I wasn't able to jump out and surprise him and sing the birthday song in time but he was surprised and happy so it was still a success. We sang the birthday song after and he cut the cake. I had also brought some Inari for him knowing that he really likes it. S.Z came a little late but she was still able to come have lunch with us at a nice cafe place close to the lib.

The rest of the day was spent on studying even though I really would have love to celebrate his birthday more. I am glad I was able to make him happy and surprise and tease him a bit. It is something I don't usually do.

I hope he enjoy that day and I love him very much ^.^

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LING~

(was meant to post this yesterday on the day but had to study for maths and forgot >~<)

STOP WITH THE CARTOON~~~

I HATE IT.

I HATE IT.

I HATE IT.

I HATE THAT STUPID, CARTOON~

I really dislike how people would tease my name cause it relates to a cartoon.

I am on a call with Ling and he was on another call with these siblings.

They kept teasing my name cause of that cartoon.

HATE IT SO MUCH~~~

Happy Birthday Beautiful

Another year has gone by and guess what special day it is.

Yes my Biology Exam.

:P

Just joking that is not even important. 

My beautiful friend is 100 times and 1000 times and. . .

that can go on for a while

Point is Beautiful is a special friend of mine. 

My best friend and one I never could imagine to have. 

It has been roughly 5 years we have been together in fact a little more.

Think back to all the memories we had together makes me smile.

But I feel like crying cause I know we can't spend every single day together anymore. 

I know we will keep in contact for a very long time. 

Remember my phrase be Happy and Positive. 

I love to see you smile and we experience so much things together. 

Beautiful wait for me, 9 days and I will 18. 

When that day comes we can drink together. 

Hope you had a great day other than having a stupid exam on your day. 

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY, Beautiful. 

Remember this cake from 2 years ago (I think so. . .) 

P.S Could have made this post sweet but can't cry in the lib.

P.S.S Whoops starting you P.S writing again :P

P.S.S.S oh well ti is our thing now mwahahaha. 

P.S.S.S.S Last thing. I WUV YOU BEAUTIFUL

Random Tears

I believe it was friday, when I was feeling really depressed and no one really knows about it except one cause we happen to speak on that day. I wanted to post about it that night but I was feeling unwell due to the cold I got and my fever had been fluctuating a fair bit. Yesterday, I forgot about blogging and focus more about recovering so I never had the chance to blog.

Today, while I was studying I thought I need break to hear I am blogging about my depressing feelings on Friday. In fact, I don't know why I was so depressed that day maybe it was my cold or maybe I was in a happy mood not really sure. But I was really upset and I didn't wanna go home. I cried twice during that day both time was when I was by myself and no one really knew about this.

The first time was in the library while my friends had tutoring, tears randomly appeared and I fight it off. For one crying makes me nose more runny and I really didn't want that when I am sick. Another reason was that I didn't wanna cry in public so avoided and got rid of the tears rather quickly.

The second time I cried was when I parted with Ling and S.Z. I felt really depressed and tears just came streaming down the minute I turned away and walked off that day. I couldn't hold it back and I feel as if people might have thought I broke up with my BF or something. But I was just feeling pretty depressed.

Overall, it was a pretty bad day and not many people realised I was upset and mainly cause it was easier to hid when your sick and so people would believe the cold is getting to you. That was just a one time thing. I felt much better the days after it thought my cold is still present and annoying but I am getting better. ^.^

I didn't know. . .

I found out something that I really can't say cause it isn't something I can just randomly rant out to people. It is something very personal to someone very close to me. I don't know if she read this blog and I pretty sure she knows about this.

Look I feel like I am a bad friend cause I don't know about this and maybe cause I haven't spoken to you in a while and probably cause you needed to keep this to yourself. I don't know how well you are taking this and hope you are taking it pretty well.

After HSC, I am gonna be there for you and we can hang out as much as we can. This person is very special to me more than anyone can imagine. She is like a sister to me and it feels that way as well considering how long we have known each other. You don't have to talk to me about cause I know this is your own personal thing but when you need me give me a call after HSC. We hang out like we used to and I will help you out a lot.

Wait two weeks we can catch up. I am nearly done. (Sorry if I wasn't there for you)

Nervousness Finally Hitting Me

I am worry. 

Tomorrow is the real thing. 

The big HSC exam we always hear about. 

The big exam period that I have been preparing for every since primary.

I am getting a little nervous.

Though my parents now are not pressuring me as much.

But subconsciously I know they are judging me.

I know that they won't me to get really good marks. 

They just saying we don't care just do what ever you like. 

Guys I am scared. What is gonna happen?

I need to find something to relax me cause I am getting a little agitated. 

In fact last night I start getting really agitated in the middle of the night. 

*Breathe*

Gonna go listen to some music. 

I hope that comes my nerves. 

Ling in Dream Again.

I had a really good dream though I barely remember most of it.
I remember I had E.W in my dream and in the dream she really like Beautiful.
I also happen to make Ling jealous which was a surprise.
Reason for that was a guy I talked to came up to me with a friend and was talking to me.
Once he left I stood up and was walking to Ling who sat on a break wall behind me.
He was like who it that and I was like someone I know why.
His face looked like he was happy that I was talking to another guy.
I remember that he wanted to hit him if he had moved in close or something.
It was pretty cute.
I told him where I know they guy just to ease him.
Pretty sure this will never happen in really life.
But I like seeing him jealous and I guess that is the way he feels at times to.
I remember leaving with a bunch of friends in this really big beautiful house.
As I was walking to the house, I felt someone always dragging me behind
or hugging me to slow me down.
I didn't see the face but my mind had told me it was E.W
I kept telling her to stop but I didn't wanna offend her by saying you are to heavy.
I felt so burdened with her and I felt like it was so hard
to keep moving forward with something dragging you behind.
I remember trying to help build a pool but after awhile I couldn't cause the sun rays were burning me.
When I apologised and ran away, they asked me to bring Ling to help.
I then noticed Ling running to help and I believe he had a lot of sunscreen on.
Cause he was really slippery and he kept falling for some reasons.
Everyone else was laughing, while I tried to help him stand up straight.
Except I was to weak to hold him up I just fell down with him.
Later E.W had came up to me and was shaking me.
She was asking where Beautiful was and why I take her away from her
and I could tell she really like her.
Not just the normal friends way but more.
Ling was there and sort of pretend and saying are you saying that I cheated on him.
E.W tried to make up for it and say no I didn't and all that.
She didn't know that he was joking and I sort of just played along.
During that time Ling had also called D.H to confirm if I didn't for fun.
He also had his hand around my neck pretending to choke me but not even hard.
I sort didn't mind that feeling of someone holding my neck. (Probably cause it was Ling.)
I don't know it was a strange dream.
It brought both my high school friends into my primary school environment.

But I enjoy the dream cause I had Ling with me.
Happiness surrounds me and now I shall feel depressed as HSC is just around the corner.

Skype Call Sleep

Normal when I am on a Skype Call with Ling and I get really exhausted to tend to fall asleep on the call. In fact I like the feeling that I am asleep but I know that I am with someone, I don't know why. I like the feeling more when I know it is with Ling.

Yesterday night, Ling said lets sleep but then he said he is going to leave the skype call on. I was like I see you wanna even it out cause most of the time I fall asleep on him. But yeah so the whole night the skype call was on and both of us were just sleeping. I felt sort of happy knowing that I am still on the call with him cause it sort of made me feel like he was right there. I really like that feeling and also about 4:00 I woke up for a while and couldn't sleep and around the same time Ling had woken up and gone to the bathroom for a bit. We talked a bit and he seemed pretty surprised that as was awake.

I really like the feeling of sleeping on a skype call. Hmmm wonder if it would happen more often.

Also you know, We were talking about stuff today and I found out something. I am not sure to believe it or not but apparently this girl he says he exercise with is a fake. When I think about it, I never seen her on his contact list nor did I see any texts he has to her or she her on his contact list on FB.

(Yes I stalked him a far bit but . . . there is no good excuse for it haha. I am just a jealous person.)

Anyway, so he admits that he made this person up just to make me jealous and I was like. . . Why am I so gullible? I did see he had none of that name anywhere yet I chose to believe him. I chose to believe almost everything he says. Sigh~ I don't know what if there is more things he is lying about. . . Mieh, to be honest I don't think Ling would do anything unfaithful to me mainly because he has an older sister and knowing his relationship with her sister and what her sister had been through. I don't believe that he would do the same things that his sister had experienced. So I pretty much trust him not to have any other girls but me. Saying this I might be wrong and I know like all guys they would start drooling the next hot girl that walks past them cause it is hormones.

I think I relationship has grown a bit now. I am still confused about how long this would last and I probably shouldn't really think about it. But you know Ling mention that our relationship might be the one that last 7years. My mind frame is that is good but what happens after? Does it mean that we break up and then it would have been a lot hard for me to get a BF in my point of view cause I know as you go older it is harder to find a guy. Guys have a better chance I believe.

Ahhh~ I don't know this is all in the future and not what I should be thinking now. NOW I must concentrate on the HSC >~<

Hilary Duff - All About You

This is the new song, I like and sort expresses my feelings for Ling.

The lyrics somewhat relates as well.



^.^ Love Him So Much.

Awkward Meetings

Yesterday, I saw 4 of my primary school friends? Not sure I should call them friends now cause it is sort of awkward meeting them. One of them was my closest friend in primary and I was friends one other friend on the table the other two I know but not familiar with.

When I first walk past them I was going to get ancient books and I saw them all on a table. All eyes turn to me and I just sort of walked by cause at first I didn't realise and I am not sure how to approach them. I walked past again to get back to my friends. Throughout the day I had walk past them so many times and the worst time was when I realised I booked a room that was directly in front of them. I felt their eyes watching me as I walked in and whenever we were inside the room messing around I feel like they were watching. I knew they were talking about me and they were not at being very discreet about it.

I don't know what they really think of me now and I probably shouldn't care but I am just so curious. Is it bad? Is it good? I don't know. I only became close to my school friends in year 6 which was a good year and I though I will never find good friends like them again. I was completely wrong.

Looking back in my primary school life. . . I wasn't a very popular girl in fact more like a social outcast. I tried to fit in most of the time but I don't think I ever really did. Instead I felt more closer with family friends during that time.

What happened in primary? I guess to some people it is not that bad. I mean I had friends some times and I didn't get bullied but I when I think back it was probably worst year in my schooling life.

Over view of my life:
- Kindergarten: friends with 2 girls and I remember they prefer each other than me. That time my sister joked no one likes me and I started to believe that at the time.
- Year 1: can't remember how I was friends with but I do remember my old crush confessed he liked me.
- Year 2: back with the 2 girls I was friends with in kindergarten.
- Year 3: Meet a new friends one included the one I was very close with during year 6
- Year 4: Hanged out with 3 other girls how at the end all hated me cause they thought I was racist and I was but I never knew the meaning of it during that time. I remember my sister said I was not but they thought I was. I got rejected by them and I remember they were not very good girls sort of like rebels getting into a bit of trouble a lot. End of year 4 I hanged out with girls 2 years younger than me cause no one in my year seem to wanna include me anyway.
- Year 5: Started being friends with a girl everyone avoided cause they thought she had lice and then become friends with another 2 friends. By the end a fight occur between the 2 girls and I was comforting one and accidentally let out the fact that the other girl never liked me. She apologised and I was like no it is fine and continued to comfort her. (In fact saw them here the other day not sure they still recognise me or not and one of them is here at the lib as well.)  I ended up leaving that group of friends and joining the girls I met in year 3 and a few other friends I met before.
- Year 6: Like I said was my best year of primary cause I finally got a long with people in my year and had an enjoyable last year reason of making me not wanna leave.

- Year 7 - 12: Best Years of my life. Meet the best people in the world and become super close with them. Friends that are very special to me.

So now, You know my life story in short. Haha, I shouldn't even be blogging this but I can't concentrate on my work. I so exhausted and my mum won't let me sleep in. =.= Oh well back to study I guess.

Ticket Buying

I was meant to blog about this on tuesday but. . . I don't remember why I didn't. Anyway, so tuesday was a busy day for I don't know how much I even study probably not a lot. In the morning I was meant to go for passport photos however, I was really tired in the morning and I couldn't be bother getting up so easily. My mum was really busy that day as well so we ended up not taking any passport photos.

So after my mum sent me to the lib, Ling wanted me to accompany him to this place in Auburn so I travelled to Lidcombe met him before going to Auburn. It took a while at Auburn and I was late for a meeting with my onee-san and D.H as we had planned to go search ticket buying place. But when I finally got there, I felt ignore. It might be my fault for being late and I guess it was a girl thing and they might not want Ling. I guess I can understand that but it has happened more than once.

I want to speak my mind here, so to be honest even though I am with Ling and my friends I don't like being ignored or feel left out. Just cause I am with Ling does not make me any different so I don't understand why I am being left out of conversations. I don't know. This is a one way argument really. For me I like that if I am with Ling and my friends that they would not complete exclude and say that they wanna give us space. If we wanted to space we would have back away a little or said something. But then, I guess in other view that they are trying to be nice give couple some time together or maybe they are not that comfortable with Ling or . . . I can't remember any other reasons at the moment.

Point is I noticed a lot of times I am a little exclude in conversation with Ling and I don't know if this relates but most the times it is with. . . a certain someone that I am exclude in conversation. I think it start around this year cause before I don't think it have happened much.

Anyway moving on, I was walking with Ling behind the other two and I decided to just ditch them cause for one I wasn't getting include and probably won't contribute much since I get ignore a lot. So Ling and I went for lunch where I later met S.Z and M.V. The 4 of us walked back to the lib and with them I felt more include which made me feel quite happy again. On our way to the lib I bumped back into my onee-san and D.H and they were going to another place to check. I was thinking if I should say I would go to but I felt a little depressed about the fact of being excluded before and even though I know I won't if Ling didn't come along. It was just feeling exclude doesn't make you feel like you are wanted so I just let them go and went to the lib to study a bit.

Ling half way through went to the dentist and during his absent I got a call from Onee-san of getting tickets and all that so I left everyone to go to where they are to buy tickets. I knew they were gonna comment on how I didn't go with them and I knew they were probably not very happy with me. It made me feel sort of bad even though that didn't really say it. But understand at the time, I pretty upset cause I don't like being exclude reason why I wanna try to include everyone but it is hard sometimes when you have a big group one person is bound to feel exclude.

Anyway, so I went there we brought the tickets and I remember I mention very briefly about how come they keep excluding me and they told me giving me space or they said they don't like him (??? I think. Not to sure about it). The things made me decide not to really tell them how I really felt about it and I just let it go. That is probably why I haven't really blog about it.

I guess the main point of the post was meant to be that the Korea Trip is confirmed especially now we got the plane tickets and I am very happy about that and excited. My first alone adventure with friends. Yay, I can't wait. I know at this trip I won't be exclude or ignored mainly cause I would be pretty nervous and cling to them ^.^

Hurting Myself

I realised, I have been hurting myself a lot recently and be sure not purposefully though I would admit I did try it today. Reason I say this is cause I found a blister on my toe which I know is a result of wearing high heels. My mistake next time I am gonna be sure not to ever where it out to the city again or maybe I just need more flats or other type of shoes. I had also hurt my arm a couple of weeks ago and last week or so I had hurt my ankle. So yeah, Spring hasn't been wonderful time for me so far.

Before I did say I tried to hurt myself, well that was cause I wasn't thinking properly and I was super angry and upset. I don't wanna ever tell anybody why I act the way I did cause the reason is pretty stupid. But I realised when you get to a point where you feel super angry and upset no matter how hard you hurt yourself it doesn't actually hurt or maybe I wasn't hard enough.

You see when I can't bear my angry or upset well I tend to squeeze my arm and sometimes my fingers will dig into my skin but not strong enough to pierce through. Well, I did that again today. I left about 4 nail marks on me which I am pretty sure would go away by tomorrow at least I hope it does cause I don't want anyone to see it.

To my friends who read this: Don't worry about me. I am fine I was able to get a good laugh and my dog, Lady seem to bring a smile to my face. Animals tend to do that. ^-^

I don't think Ling really noticed but somehow I feel like he felt that I need him. Cause while I was outside hugging my dog, I thought of Ling and how I would really like him to be near me at that moment. Later when I went up I realised I just missed 3 calls from him, somehow felt that he knew but didn't really. I called back but then it was very short and he seemed busy (thought he was studying but nope =.=). When the call ended so quickly, I felt a little disheartened but then again I thought nope I am strong girl, no one cares about me and I just need to stand up, be happy like I should be. It did make me feel better in a way cause I was supporting myself that way.

I was happier later cause my friend had made me laugh with a definition of something and I was pretty happy to listen to Ling's voice cause he seemed so happy playing his LOL game. I really hope, I can hear his happy voice more often. It makes me smile and I need that at a time like this. Oh well. It is fine. I feel ok now just a little tired. Should sleep early.

Scared, Scared, Scared

I AM NEVER EVER EVER WATCHING A HORROR MOVIE AGAIN. . . I say that but I probably would if I had to or my friends really wanna go watch a scary movie. But honestly, I am so scared of horror movies

I watched a horror movie with Beautiful and Ling called Annabelle and when I got home I turned every light on everywhere I went. Honestly, I am so shaken up by the movie and I got scared when the wind was blowing the door open and close and there was this creaking sound that it made which scared me. I was so cautious when I approached the door I pushed opened it and made sure nothing was gonna pop out. I then just fixed the door so it won't creak and then rush back to my room where there was a lot of light.

Gosh~ I am very paranoid and this is why I don't watch horror movies. I am very, very scared of ghost and spirit and things that haunt you. Sigh~ Though in the movie I have been hugging on to Ling the whole time and at times he would try to comfort me and make me feel less scared like kiss me or hug me just little things which made me happy for a few seconds before I felt scared again. I cried in the movie as well not sure why either. Did I cry cause the end was a sad? Or did a cry cause I was that scared? Not sure.

Either way, I had a good day though I don't think I would sleep very well tonight. Now I need to find a library I can go to to study 2mr.

Bday Present Idea

I got a great idea, for Ling's birthday though I won't be able to get it and  research it the best quality and price for it until after HSC cause it would take to much time. I am pretty sure he doesn't read this anymore so I am not afraid to reveal what wanna give him.

I had ideas of giving him headphones and itunes cards cause he kept asking for itnues cards and breaking his earphones/headphones. He had already broken when I got him a while a go which I brought for no apparent reason and just that he wanted one. Anyway, now the question is I wonder how good his headphones are now and I am really hoping that his parents don't happen to get him a better one. Though maybe they would get him something more useful. Hopefully.

Oh well, I made plans that I would get his birthday present on my birthday and then the next day for his last exam. I wanna go meet him after his exam and give it to him and also celebrate he finished his exam. I am just hoping that he doesn't have anything else planned after his exams as in going out with friends or something like that. But even if he did I guess I wouldn't surprise him but tell him to meet me somewhere so I can give it to him.

Hehe~ I like my idea. ^.^ Alright time for more of my study

AIM: 80+

OMG, I think I got the E12 Offer. 

I AM SO EXCITED. 

I got so much motivation right now. 

I need to get above 80+ 

I need to. 

I NEED TO.

OMG~~~

I hope everything works out ^.^

Disappointed

I have to say this. I don't know if I would be able to say to you cause I just don't know how I would tell her. But I am sadden by the fact that when you tell someone you will go somewhere but then you then you don't end up going. It is fine if you have something you have to do like some family problems or something like that. But if you made plans with someone and then you decide to go out with someone else then that is what makes me feel upset.

One thing that hurts the most is if you back out on a plan with a friend and instead go out with another guy whether he is a friend or a guy you like. I am sorry but that is just. . .  I don't like it. I don't wanna be a hypocrite so I am wondering if I ever done that to my friends. I think I have thought about it before but I never did cause I felt really bad for doing that.

I know the person who reads this would know who I am talking to and I gonna be very honest. You made me feel really upset and almost angry that you would make plans over something you agreed to do for at least 3 times and I can least them. To me, it tells me that you think that this other person is more important or someone you rather spend time with and reason one I feel so upset and angry about it.

This might not be how you think or you didn't plan to make it seem like that but that is how I felt about it. I really. . . Don't worry, like everything else that happens to me I will get over this and I will still support you in whatever you do.

Am I a little selfish? Wanting someone to keep with their plans. Maybe I should be happy for the person who is happy in her decision in who she wants to spend her time. I don't wanna make the persons I care about unhappy and if she is happier spending her time with whoever she is with then I guess I can't do anything about it.

AHHH~~~ I am sorry. I can't see both sides to this cause I feel a lot more disappoint, sadness and anger to think that I might be wrong or a bad friend or I am just being a selfish or spoilt. BUT. . . I. . . Whatever. . . People have different views and I am just ranting on.

Hope she has fun today and that I didn't make her feel pressured or stressed or upset cause of my honest opinion. This your choice don't regret whatever you do and I still support you cause I still wanna be a good friend. I shall go back to my own study.

Intimacy

I realised how much I love hugging someone and being the ones embrace. 

I feel really happy when I am lying close to a person I love. 

It feels warm and the closeness and intimacy makes me just feel so. . .

I don't know how to really describe it but it feels so relaxing. 

So calming.

Just. . . 

It makes you forget about the world. 

Being able to cuddle with someone you love is something that makes you really happy.

I don't care if it is cuddling at home on the bed.

Or cuddling outside in public. 

Or cuddling same random place. 

I just love being able to be so close to someone.

I love being able to express your love through these hugs. 

When I think back about being in Ling's embrace it brings a smile to my face. 

He really knows how to make me smile.

Even when he pisses me off he ends up making me smile.

Why I hate how much I love him. 

He can change my mood just like that.

He would never read this but. 

I Really Love You.

Even though this may not last forever. 

But at least we can enjoy the now and that is all that matters. 

And Now I Love You. 

Busy Day

Today. . . was a busy day and somewhat turned a bit from happy to sad towards the end. Alright, so I was with Ling in the morning and we spent some time at my house before going to Lib later to meet up with M.V and had lunch.

After lunch with M.V, we (along with Beautiful who joined later) went to buy things at Priceline where Beautiful bought for me and I bought for her. We had to be quick cause we had to go karaoke right after in the city.

Karaoke was fun, we all sang and everyone seemed super hyper. Ling as always had teased me a bit in my singing, but oh well what can I do. We sang for about 3 hours before I really had to go home. I was very agitated throughout the whole trip home cause I was later and I thought my dad would start yelling at me later. But he didn't come home until after I did, so I was safe but barely >.<

You know. . . I nearly fought with Ling. I think I was pretty agitated in getting home and not getting in trouble that I just got angry very easily. He was sort of talking about my ATAR and stuff like that and those stuff really bothered me at the time and I just got depressed and angry about it. He later asked me why are you so depressed or are you just tired? I probably should have said I am just tired which was also true. But I told him that he had made me depressed due to all the things he had just said. I don't know how I made him angry but he was like do you really wanna have a fight now? I paused for a couple seconds before I said No. I really didn't and I realised it was probably the one time I was upset and he was upset about something together.

I am not sure if this can't as a fight cause honestly I stopped it before it started. I didn't wanna argue with him and I was just to agitated that everything got to me. On the train ride it was ok. We talked a bit and everything seem fine and we kissed goodbye before I jumped off the train. Hmmm. . . I don't know after Ling and I left the Karaoke room we were sort of quiet and didn't seem to communicate that well with each other. Just my own personal feel to it. We were fine beforehand. I don't know. Honestly to tired to even probably think about what I am saying.

Two things I realised that is a bad quality of mine. One I talk to much as in I have a big mouth and tend to not really hide much of myself to people and Two. . . I sort of forgot the second one. . . Alright just one thing. There is a lot of things I need to change about myself to make me a better person I think. No one can be perfect but you can aim to try and be the best person you can be.