For some reason at dinner I felt this very uncomfortable feeling and it sort of like something heavy is on your chest. It is a very pleasant feeling. All of a sudden I was reminded of a creative writing piece I have written and it was a part of my memory. A memory that hurts me every time and then a line of flash backs of the worst moments in my life just comes flooding back.
These memory's made me really want to cry cause at the time there was so much sadness and pain that I really didn't wanna feel. A lot of these memories, I could never blog about because it is very personal and if I did blog about it people could report it. But all the details and pain only one of my friends knows almost every single detail of it. She is a very trusted friend and we can relate and support each other.
Our family situations in the past are very similar though at times I feel like hers may have been worst than mine. But I really trust her and she out of everyone I know understands my situation and supports me and keeps me going. Other than my friend, I know a person lived throughout it longer than I have and was caught up in the middle of all these past memories while all I was was just a mere witness.
She has so much hate and anger built up inside her. She is so strong and determine in everything she does. I who have been brought up in the chaos was the weaker one, the one people thought was too innocent and naive. I really admire her. She lived through the pain and yet still stands up tall. She moves on with her life and let the memories effect her. Even though the hate and anger from the past would always remain she would never let it take over her normal life. She has escape the past and into her own future while I still stuck in chaos. I really admire her and I wish I was more like her but I know I am completely the opposite.
I know I didn't give specific names to those people who I was talking about, but if you have read my blog long enough or know me personally you would know that the friend I was talking was referring to beautiful and the girl I admire is my sister. The chaos and memories the hurt me is all due to family reasons.
Some memories make you smile and others just makes you wanna cry. Yet memories would stay with you forever no matter if they are good or bad. It is hard to forget the memories that made you so happy and those that made you hurt but the memories that are the most clear are the ones that hurt.
Sigh~ I don't know what I am blogging about I am sort caught up with thinking back on the things I wanna forget that I just forgot everything. Oh well, no time to think about it now. I better get some work done or at least correct this negativity of mine. Back to happy memories.
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