Questions

I was alone today after tutorials and I did some study in library, didn't have much to eat but thats ok I wasn't hungry. I just asked myself a lot of question sort of question you won't expect to find answers to. I don't I feel lost with myself again, not sure about a lot of things. 

You know, I am happy for Y.L and her BF they are really cute together and you can see how happy Y.L has become. There is such a cute intimate stage sort of reminds of the time I started with Ling. However her one last so much more longer than mine ever did which is a good sign I believe, he could just be the one for Y.L. 

A part of me seems to be a bit jealous even though at times, I do experience those mushy times and all but then I have those times that I am so worried and nervous that I feel sick. Sigh, I really wonder to myself how long Ling will stay interested in me and I know I shouldn't be think about it and just enjoy the moment but I can't help be wonder. 

I was questioning myself with all these questions like who would I end up with? Who would I marry in the future? What kind of life would I have? and all those future thinking questions that you know you won't get an answer from, only time would tell.

I am confused at where I stand really. I have only told one person this but apparently Ling likes submissive girls and I am basically very submissive. I don't like being submissive but then at times I do as well. It is hard to explain. I am just a little lost in my own thoughts. Maybe none of this makes sense. . . 

What am I even talking about? I don't know. So much thoughts going around in my head and maybe I am just feeling the stress and pressure of the HSC. Recently I really just wanna sleep and don't eat as much as I do. I mean still eat but it seems a bit out of balance in a way that sometimes I can eat a lot and the next I don't feel like eating anything. 

I don't know. . . I am just confused, confused, confused >~<