My heads a mess today. During dinner, I want to have a nice conversation with my dad because I know how much he cares about me and I should try to be nice towards him even though I find him very annoying. But the topic I began with about alcohol drinking limit and that I wanted to try a little bit seem to have move towards what I should be when I grow up. This topic annoys me a lot cause I am already not sure what I really want to become anymore furthermore my dad just keeps mentioning that I don't have the ability to become what I want to become. He doesn't believe in me which kind of depresses me. I thought parents were meant to be supportive and encouraging but I guess every parent is different. There is just to much worries for a teenage girl. We should be living a carefree life and enjoy every minute we have as younger teenagers before we turn into an adult. My fault partly, I worry to much and probably because I have no confidence in myself that I can do something correctly. I am always causing some kind of mistake here and there and stumble everywhere I go.
I need a hand to help me, I need a shoulder to lean on and I need someone to truly believe in and not just saying so to make me happy. Starting to wish to live in my fantasy world again where I am have no worries and have control and confidence in everything I do but no one's life is that perfect. It is just life and I guess I need to learn to start accepting that fact and just deal with it.
I should give the hand to help myself, I should lean on myself and I should be the one that truly believes in myself. I need to be more independent but it is easier said then done. (sigh) My heart feels heavy. My mind is in a mess. My emotions are going crazy. I have nothing under control.
Pray that I can get pass another to what seems like a start of a depressing weekend again(=.=).
Bye-bees.
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