So Conflicted

Today was the best day and the worst, all in one. . . Best things that happened was I got to spend time with my friends and have lots of fun with them but also I laughed so much I started crying one of my first experiences ever. That was fun.

Things that happened bad today were quite a few. I felt like today was just a day I could get really easily irritated or maybe not. I don't know. . . Anyway, so first thing I was upset about was being pissed about getting teased on a lot it sort just got to me but I did let it go. (I think it was cause I was hungry might be part of the reason.)

Another thing that happened I argued with Ling about a game that he wanted and it was just mainly about money to buy it and then once I decided to let him he didn't want it and ahhh it was just annoying. I knew the feeling of waiting something but then not waiting it because of the argument but this is the first time it happened to Ling and not me.

Another thing, is more like I felt bad about was. . . I told something to Ling that I shouldn't have. I didn't get to say it then cause I didn't know how to act and didn't say it after cause I felt I left it for too long. But I do need to say that I am SORRY~~~. I have to be honest I tell Ling everything. The only things I don't tell is when I know exactly that this information can not be told cause the person told me. I am not very. . . bright or have that common sense about these things. Some things I feel it is ok to say and others I don't know. Probs in future should stop talking about anything private related all together. I shall try work on that.

The last thing that happened which top the day with the worst events ever is. . . I had another disagreement with Ling. He wanted me to stay in his car for a little longer and I was very agitated cause I didn't wanna upset my dad. I just really didn't wanna hear him yell. But I didn't wanna disappoint Ling. I ended up upset Ling and probs would have upset my dad too if my mum hadn't told him earlier about me getting him some cigarettes which Ling had given me the day before.

It was my fault again. I got so agitated that I panicked and freaked at a lot and sort of made a scene. But Ling this time was so. . . calm didn't get angry like he usually would but in the end he explained to me his thoughts and everything about what happened. I was calm and I did feel bad. But I also wish he understand that I really don't wanna disappoint anyway. I feel in this kind of scenario I either disappoint Ling or my dad.

I just. . . I really don't wanna upset my dad so I would like to be home relatively early and I wish he could just be understanding and let me. . . But I understand he wants to spend as much time with me as he can and to be honest I would be much happier in his arms that at home. AHHHH. . . I just I'm so conflicted. I don't know what to do to change so that I could make Ling happy but not upset my dad. But I can only do one or the either it seems. . . AHHH. . . It is just so frustrating. I CAN'T DO THIS >~<