Lean On Me

In my previous post, I typed that I would make another post about something I left unsaid. Well the thing is I could tell from my friend during the call that something wasn't right. I am not sure what it is but. . . It is not her normal tone. Maybe I am thinking to much, or I haven't talked to in so long or that I am right and there is something up with her.

The tone of her voice didn't match the line she said cause normally it would be in a more. . . I don't know. This might just be because of the prank Ling pulled, it might be because she was sleeping or it might be she is depressed.

I know she would probably read this. I want to say, I am here for you. Aren't I your best friend? Aren't I trust worthy? I know some things may need to be left unsaid. I know somethings you can't say cause it isn't the right time and I willing to wait. I am willing to stand in the background waiting for you. I will always be there for you. I will always be behind you giving you support. I will catch you when you fall, chance I will fall too cause I not strong enough to catch anything unless it is a paper or a basketball even then I might miss haha. . . That isn't the point cause I was talkin metaphorically.

Anyway, you are my best friend and a friend I want to keep in my life forever. I want to be able to help. I want to be able to be that person you can come to with any problem. Two heads are better than one. I don't want to pressure and I won't but you should know I am behind you all that way.

Honestly, I feel so disconnect from you. I haven't spoken to that much throughout the holiday. I get it we need to study. I get that you would want to get better marks and do the best you can. But think about it university things would be the same. You would need to study. You would need to work. You would have so much things going on in your life. Is this what things would be like? I am sorry if I am not being understanding here or make you feel bad or make you feel anything but upset. But I have to tell you that Study is important, getting yourself the best future is important but friends are equally important please dont forget that.

I am honestly worried about you. I don't know what has happened to you. I don't know if you have been ok. I don't know anything that has happened to you in the holiday. I don't mine serious stuff but just little stuff. I just want to talk to you and chat like we used to. Just for a few mins that is ok. This might just me being selfish. But I can't help it, you are one of the most cherished friends I have. You are more than just a friend more like a sister. I opened to you more than I have with anyone else in my life including my family members. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling disconnected from you. I hate that I don't know what is going on with your life. I hate that we don't keep in constant contact.

I'm sorry, if I hurt you in anyway by saying this. I am sorry that I am being selfish wanting you to spend some more time talking. But please understand my perspective too.

No matter what happens. I will be by your side. You can push me away. You can ignore me. But I will still be there. (The only time I won't if you do something to have wronged me which I doubt you would do ^.^)

Anyway, I never felt so disconnected from my school friends before and for the first time I have spoken more to my family friend, R.Z. I don't even contact my family/longest/best friend, A.Z, as much anymore. This holiday is certainly different to every other holiday I have. I had so many great and happy days but I lost contact with most of my friends.

Can I ask, what is more important? Friends or Study? Study leads to a better future, a good job. Friends leads to happiness, enjoying life, accompaniment. I say both are equally important. With both of these together, you could live a wonderful life.

I just want my friend to understand that I would be there for her. I want her to understand how I feel. You know I realised the text could relate a little but so seriously haha. . . Awkward :P

Thats all I want to let out, hope you read this and understand me and understand I will be your pillar to lean on.