Change

You know, Today I got really pissed about something. I don't want to be to obvious but maybe by blogging this post would make it obvious. . . (>~<). Oh well. . . I really need to rant out this anger I felt. But I won't say what or who made me feel so angry which would be a bit hard to explain.

Alright, I come to realise that one little thing can cause such a big change and this is making me feel like I am losing everything. I don't like that feeling cause what I am losing is the one thing I never wanted to disappear. I didn't like how I felt nor the way things changed. I noticed the change before but I choose to ignore cause I everything seem to end up alright. After what happened today, I was angry cause I noticed this change again and I hated it.

I thought to myself, I give up and I don't think everything that has happened is worth my effort. But that was at the heat of my anger. I was so angry that I was willing to give up something that was really important to me. Like always my anger didn't last long and I admittedly thought about the consequences of what I have said and what it would lead to. Something this small is not worth me giving up my effort and sacrificing something that is important to me. I shouldn't expect to get what I give cause I told myself I want to be able to give and not get anything in return cause I am willing to do it.

However, I don't think people would understand this feeling. One cause I didn't explain in much detail cause I don't want this to result in some kind of conflict or any problems. I also don't want to result into another change cause I know that it would be all because of me and then I will feel guilty and all that. Alright I know this paragraph makes no sense and probably this entice blog doesn't seem to make much sense.

The main point is that something happened today that cause me to lose my cool and I saw it happen before which further bothered me cause it seems like other people are oblivious to it. Sigh~ I need to let it go. I can't be selfish.

Too much is changing and I don't like it. I don't like it feeling distant. I am glad that one thing hasn't changed but in fact grown into something stronger. I certain that this one thing would last for a long time and I really hope nothing in the future would every break it.

Sigh~ I am sorry for this random rant which I think most people won't understand. But I am feel depressed about this situation I have experienced plus I would never be able to discuss this with any of my friends cause that would lead to so much other topics I have to explain and somethings I shouldn't say. So to avoid trouble I am keeping what really happened to me a secret. No one can ever get it out of me. I mean it, this time I won't say a thing which isn't like me cause I like to openly express myself to my friends. I might express one thing to a friend. But I am not going to reveal anything.

Alright, sorry about this rant. Please everyone continue to enjoy your evening.