So this morning, I woke and wanted to get ready for school as today was the first day of school. I seat up on the bed and open my eyes and everything around me was spinning. I lay back down and closed my eyes a bit hoping that the world would stop spinning. Second time, I tried to get up I felt like vomiting. I decided at this rate I wouldn't be able to get to school.
I ended up staying at home and rested I grabbed some panadol which i remember having it near my bedside and the water bottle which I left had near my bedside since saturday. I slept for most of the day and the other times my stomach was killing me and kept me awake.
I think it might have been something I ate last night causing the stomach pains. (>.<) Hopefully, tomorrow I shall be able to get up and go to school.
Monday, 28 April 2014
Sunday, 27 April 2014
Funniest Night Ever
I can't remember the last time laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. I think it was during IST in yr 10 with my friend V.N, Rebecca and D.H. I remember we joked around a lot in class. I believe that was the last time I hard laughed till my stomach was about to burst.
Yesterday night or rather very early this morning was just a night that made me laugh and smile a lot. I could barely remember most of it except laughing (^.^). So Ling came over last night as he said he needed a place to rest after something happened during a party he had gone. My sister and Isaac didn't mind it and later, the 4 of us decided to play board games as I do not have any cards.
We started off we scrabble and I did pretty well at first before dropping to second place. My sister game first, Ling came second and Isaac came last. Considering that all 3 people are better in English than I am, I believe I did reasonably well. This game was not the funniest part of the night/morning.
At home, we have a game called "Hey Hey, It's Saturday", we have no instruction book and really had no idea how to play the game so instead we just made up the rules as we go. It worked out pretty well and there were dares in the game that we would have randomly picked. The worst ones, always seem to land on Isaac and Ling. My sister and I got ones pretty easy. The one that was so of hard too me was spinning around 6 times in both directions in 15 seconds. The world around me was spinning had to lie down for a while to see clearer. But Ling's and Isaac's just cracked everyone up, it was just that funny. In the end my sister won the game again and the order was exactly the same as the first.
After the games, Ling was considering driving home but instead stay over (though not for long). The reason he stayed, was for one I wanted him to cause I just a little anxious of him driving home and if he would be ok and secondly he forgot his keys and his parents are probably asleep therefore he didn't want to wake them up. So he slept in my dad's room while I stayed in mine with my sister and isaac in their own room. However after an hour of finally falling asleep, Ling woke me up and told me he had to go all his dad would kill him or something. I wasn't really too sure what he said exactly.
But as he left, I had an unease feeling (which is normal since I worry all the time), so I texted him to make sure he got home safely and had some rest. Thankfully he texted me back so I can sleep at easy.
It was definitely an enjoyable night. I don't think I would experience anything like this for a long time to come. I wish I could turn back time and revisit the entire night/morning. >v<
Yesterday night or rather very early this morning was just a night that made me laugh and smile a lot. I could barely remember most of it except laughing (^.^). So Ling came over last night as he said he needed a place to rest after something happened during a party he had gone. My sister and Isaac didn't mind it and later, the 4 of us decided to play board games as I do not have any cards.
We started off we scrabble and I did pretty well at first before dropping to second place. My sister game first, Ling came second and Isaac came last. Considering that all 3 people are better in English than I am, I believe I did reasonably well. This game was not the funniest part of the night/morning.
At home, we have a game called "Hey Hey, It's Saturday", we have no instruction book and really had no idea how to play the game so instead we just made up the rules as we go. It worked out pretty well and there were dares in the game that we would have randomly picked. The worst ones, always seem to land on Isaac and Ling. My sister and I got ones pretty easy. The one that was so of hard too me was spinning around 6 times in both directions in 15 seconds. The world around me was spinning had to lie down for a while to see clearer. But Ling's and Isaac's just cracked everyone up, it was just that funny. In the end my sister won the game again and the order was exactly the same as the first.
After the games, Ling was considering driving home but instead stay over (though not for long). The reason he stayed, was for one I wanted him to cause I just a little anxious of him driving home and if he would be ok and secondly he forgot his keys and his parents are probably asleep therefore he didn't want to wake them up. So he slept in my dad's room while I stayed in mine with my sister and isaac in their own room. However after an hour of finally falling asleep, Ling woke me up and told me he had to go all his dad would kill him or something. I wasn't really too sure what he said exactly.
But as he left, I had an unease feeling (which is normal since I worry all the time), so I texted him to make sure he got home safely and had some rest. Thankfully he texted me back so I can sleep at easy.
It was definitely an enjoyable night. I don't think I would experience anything like this for a long time to come. I wish I could turn back time and revisit the entire night/morning. >v<
Saturday, 26 April 2014
Creepy Dream~~~
I just had a very creepy dream, it scared me.
So what happened in the dream at first seem, ok. I was out with D.H it had seemed and for some reason on a school excursion at burwood though it didn't really seem like it was. Towards some point I wasn't with D.H anymore but Rebecca (though that was towards the end of the dream.)
We meet a nice shanghainese lady that worked in a convenience store which apparently also sold dogs which was sort of weird. Later people I knew disappeared and the creepy part begins. There was a tall lady and when I say tall she is really tall like tall then the average person. I seemed to have practice some kind of power that I need to release on to this girl that I was meant to save from this dark evil. The tall lady helped me along the way protecting both me and the girl as we ran away from the dark light that was aimed at us. I was able to dodge into our safe area and charged up my power while the other two made their way towards me. The tall lady didn't survive, protecting the girl (from some reason felt like was my mum) as the tall lady was hit by the dark ray of light and started dying. She was then take away by another tall dark figure which then chased us inside our safety. The girl was able to escape and I have given her some sort of power. As for me, I chose to remain and get the dark figure away from where the girl had escaped to.
The dark figure later seemed to turn into my dad. That part of my dream end which later lead to a sort of flashback to the past where I found out a whole line of some sort female line was being killed by someone two seem to have survived but I witness a death of one member and the bloody heads of the previous ascendent. I later appeared to be in a forest and walking alone. I see this white faced old-fashioned chinese guy floating towards me and ran off the pavement into the swamp next to me but I was sort of flying like those old chinese move with there cool fly-walking technique they have. The ghost like person sai that he would chase after once he finishes something else.
I ran away as fast as I can and when I turned around he was after me. I reach the beach and ran towards my mum who was under a beach umbrella making something. Running on the sand was like running in stick mud, it was so hard and I was scared that I was gonna get cut but the monster as he was quickly catching up. I reached my mum into and hide behind him however it seems the ghost person didn't want to kill us as are blood was sort of different to those of our ancestors. Though the ghost look as if he was going to kill my mum but instead only tested her DNA before leaving (weird part). My mum and I were safe.
That was basically, the end of the dream cause I can't really remember what happened after except being woken up by some kind of motorcycle that drove past.
Sigh~ Creepy >~<
So what happened in the dream at first seem, ok. I was out with D.H it had seemed and for some reason on a school excursion at burwood though it didn't really seem like it was. Towards some point I wasn't with D.H anymore but Rebecca (though that was towards the end of the dream.)
We meet a nice shanghainese lady that worked in a convenience store which apparently also sold dogs which was sort of weird. Later people I knew disappeared and the creepy part begins. There was a tall lady and when I say tall she is really tall like tall then the average person. I seemed to have practice some kind of power that I need to release on to this girl that I was meant to save from this dark evil. The tall lady helped me along the way protecting both me and the girl as we ran away from the dark light that was aimed at us. I was able to dodge into our safe area and charged up my power while the other two made their way towards me. The tall lady didn't survive, protecting the girl (from some reason felt like was my mum) as the tall lady was hit by the dark ray of light and started dying. She was then take away by another tall dark figure which then chased us inside our safety. The girl was able to escape and I have given her some sort of power. As for me, I chose to remain and get the dark figure away from where the girl had escaped to.
The dark figure later seemed to turn into my dad. That part of my dream end which later lead to a sort of flashback to the past where I found out a whole line of some sort female line was being killed by someone two seem to have survived but I witness a death of one member and the bloody heads of the previous ascendent. I later appeared to be in a forest and walking alone. I see this white faced old-fashioned chinese guy floating towards me and ran off the pavement into the swamp next to me but I was sort of flying like those old chinese move with there cool fly-walking technique they have. The ghost like person sai that he would chase after once he finishes something else.
I ran away as fast as I can and when I turned around he was after me. I reach the beach and ran towards my mum who was under a beach umbrella making something. Running on the sand was like running in stick mud, it was so hard and I was scared that I was gonna get cut but the monster as he was quickly catching up. I reached my mum into and hide behind him however it seems the ghost person didn't want to kill us as are blood was sort of different to those of our ancestors. Though the ghost look as if he was going to kill my mum but instead only tested her DNA before leaving (weird part). My mum and I were safe.
That was basically, the end of the dream cause I can't really remember what happened after except being woken up by some kind of motorcycle that drove past.
Sigh~ Creepy >~<
Friday, 25 April 2014
First Meeting
Last Night, Ling meet my sister for the first time. He seemed somewhat nervous at first but he seem to have left a good impression on my sister so far. During the times when it was just my sister and I alone, I would ask her what she thought about him. She would tell me that she think he is funny, I also heard once that she think that Ling is quite compatible for me as I need someone who can take control cause from my personality I can't really.
So Ling had pass his red P's test therefore he drove over and waited for my sister and wanted to treat her to dinner however my sister paid instead cause she wanted to. The 3 of us went to a restaurant called Outback Steakhouse which I never really been to and had no idea what food would be good there so I left the decision to my sister and Ling.
The trip to the restaurant was quite funny as we had some problems with directions and my sister's reaction when Ling was parking. My sister laughed a lot which was a good thing to see. During dinner we had quite a few conversation thrown across the table such as our future where my sister had asked Ling what he wished to do in the future. My sister had also asked about how we met and how we started dating which I am pretty sure I had told my sister before.
I remember talking about clubs and pubs as well which once knowing a little bit more detail about it, I a little hesitant about going but then again it is still something I want to experience. We had a love dinner and a enjoyable time. Driving home was a little bit more quieter and later had decided to get some isaac at a woolworths close by. My sister was quite shocked at the changes that the chullora market place had made.
Arriving home, Ling had stayed a while longer where we played with Ling had some ice-cream and talked about some other stuff. One thing that came up which I wasn't so happy about was a joke my friends made about how if I went to the shower I only needed one drop =.= (this is because I am really skinny)
Sigh~
I walked upstairs to cool off from the embarrassment and wait for the redness in my cheeks to die down. Ling and my sister had both came upstairs, where Ling came in and ask if I was ok which by then I felt cooled off.
I wished Ling could have stayed for the night and my sister didn't really seem to mind. But unfortunately he wasn't able to stay. I am glad my sister has a sort of good impression on him and I am had lots of fun. (I also noticed I didn't do a lot of talking today.)
What a lovely Night ^v^
Wednesday, 23 April 2014
Escaped
Yesterday night, I just felt like I feel in a large hole and at the one moment it felt like I my foot was stuck there and I wouldn't be able to escape. Today, I woke up feeling refreshed as if I freed my leg from the trap I had fallen in to the night before. (Like my description? :P)
Anyway, I feel much better now. I had just crashed mentally yesterday from a few things I heard but my mind is thinking clearly now. I shouldn't care about others opinion and I should believe in my own principles. I believe that people I am not close with is untrustworthy until proven trustworthy as the ones who are close to me are trustworthy unless proven otherwise.
Last night was emotionally hectic. I couldn't think straight what ever enter my head was all negative thoughts I couldn't grap on to any silver lining. But I guess one night sleep can change ur thoughts around. Hope I didn't make anyone worry too much. I just act without thinking and blog the first thing that came to my head last night.
I feel a lot better today. Though I must admit there are still some doubts I have but I shall look on the bright side. I shall smile (^.^)
Anyway, I feel much better now. I had just crashed mentally yesterday from a few things I heard but my mind is thinking clearly now. I shouldn't care about others opinion and I should believe in my own principles. I believe that people I am not close with is untrustworthy until proven trustworthy as the ones who are close to me are trustworthy unless proven otherwise.
Last night was emotionally hectic. I couldn't think straight what ever enter my head was all negative thoughts I couldn't grap on to any silver lining. But I guess one night sleep can change ur thoughts around. Hope I didn't make anyone worry too much. I just act without thinking and blog the first thing that came to my head last night.
I feel a lot better today. Though I must admit there are still some doubts I have but I shall look on the bright side. I shall smile (^.^)
Trust. . .
Someone must quickly save me from this dark hole I am falling into.
What is trust? Can you really trust anyone in this world?
What if you trust someone who in actual fact is lying to you?
How would you know she is honest to you or telling the truth?
No matter how much someone tells you they are you would never ever really know if they are or not.
I am slowly falling into depression once again.
I want to pick myself but this time I don't think anything around me can help.
I know this cause something I heard was very sweet and nice about me which usually would bring my mood up unfortunately had no effect.
My self-esteem has lowered, my security and all the positive thoughts I have of the world has disappeared into nothingness.
Ahhh~~~ >.<
Emotions going crazy.
All I can hear is screaming in my head.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to feel.
I don't know.
I just don't know.
I am falling, falling, falling.
I am gone. TT^TT
Tuesday, 22 April 2014
Interesting Fact.
OMG, this is an interesting fact. But why is society always criticising on women when we were all female once. Sigh~~~
Beautiful Piano.
I missed playing the piano, now.
I never thought I would ever say this
cause I remember when I was learning to play the piano,
I couldn't wait till I finish all my grades so I can stop.
But then again I never like the songs I played back then.
Now I play songs that are way to easy to play but sound so nice.
I love it.
I just spent like over half an hour just sitting in front of my piano,
sight reading* and playing whatever song I think would sound beautiful.
I just enjoyed myself so much and I couldn't believe it.
If I have more alone time and free time after study,
I will use the piano as a way to relax myself. (^.^)
I can't believe I am saying this but I really do I love playing the piano
however, I know my piano skills is quite crap
My friend D.H is amazing good at playing piano.
(I need to still that skill from her.)
I can only sight read with piece that are relatively easy.
But nevertheless I still had fun.
I am going to play a bit of piano later on or tomorrow
whenever I feel in the mood to play.
I can't let the gorgeous shiny black piano stand there and do nothing. ^.^
Saturday, 19 April 2014
A feeling of being Loved.
I love going out with my sister and Isaac cause they give me a feeling that I don't get from my parents. I have said that I never see signs of love between my family and it is something I really want to see and experience that feeling when you see your parents being all love-dovey together. With my sister and her bf Isaac, I see that and I like that feeling that I can see so much love between them it is nice.
So today, I was meant to have chem tutoring and after english tut however for english the teacher wanted to change the time therefore I didn't have english tutoring and I missed my alarm clock and missed out on my chem tutoring which was fine with me cause I was so tired.
It ended up that I went out for lunch with my sister and Isaac. On the car I heard them talking about Ling and a part of it was about how Ling had promised to meet my sister before year 12 start last year which he didn't fulfil. My sister wasn't happy about it but wasn't complete angry about it either. Though I know that she would remember this. Anyway, I was overhearing her saying stuff about how she would tell him how is she meant to trust him with me if he doesn't keep to his promise. Overhearing what they were saying, I sort of felt happy that my sister cares so much and I felt quite loved and protected which made me quite happy. Though I also thought that if one day Ling does happen to meet my sister, he is going to have a hard time trying to get on her good side. ( I may have accidentally made it worst later on. . . Hehe~ >~<)
Spending the afternoon with them made me feel quite happy something I would not experience with my parents. Another thing, if one day in the future Ling meets my sister, he better be careful of what he says and does cause my sister isn't going to let this go.
Thank you, sis. I am very glad that I have her as my sister (^.^). Love Her So Much.
So today, I was meant to have chem tutoring and after english tut however for english the teacher wanted to change the time therefore I didn't have english tutoring and I missed my alarm clock and missed out on my chem tutoring which was fine with me cause I was so tired.
It ended up that I went out for lunch with my sister and Isaac. On the car I heard them talking about Ling and a part of it was about how Ling had promised to meet my sister before year 12 start last year which he didn't fulfil. My sister wasn't happy about it but wasn't complete angry about it either. Though I know that she would remember this. Anyway, I was overhearing her saying stuff about how she would tell him how is she meant to trust him with me if he doesn't keep to his promise. Overhearing what they were saying, I sort of felt happy that my sister cares so much and I felt quite loved and protected which made me quite happy. Though I also thought that if one day Ling does happen to meet my sister, he is going to have a hard time trying to get on her good side. ( I may have accidentally made it worst later on. . . Hehe~ >~<)
Spending the afternoon with them made me feel quite happy something I would not experience with my parents. Another thing, if one day in the future Ling meets my sister, he better be careful of what he says and does cause my sister isn't going to let this go.
Thank you, sis. I am very glad that I have her as my sister (^.^). Love Her So Much.
1 Year Ago
1 Year ago (and a day), I went out with Ling and lead to the start of out relationship. So yesterday, Ling and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary it was the highlight of my holidays so far as so much things happened.
We meet at 11:00 to travel to the city. I had a reason to go to the city beside the fact that we haven't been there together for a while. The city was the first place we had a first date which also the day he confessed (though I hear I confessed first but indirectly).
Anyway, so we first had lunch at the food court before going to Galaxy world. We spent so much money there playing quite a few games and I can't seem to beat him in any of the games (=.=). Oh well. . . We also tried a crane machine that says we can't lose cause if you can't get a soft toy, you were able to grab a lolly. It was fun, we tried a quite a few times and Ling grabbed 3 plushies for me. First one was Pichu, second one was totoro and last one is Yoshi. The are now the new members of my soft toy family (I have a lot of soft toys, I love them.)
After galaxy world, we traveled to broadway where we went to watch a movie called Noah. But before we left to travel we went to the one of the stores where Ling got me a bracelet for an anniversary present. I really like it and it was quite pretty. Though during that time I sort of felt that I was so materialistic (>~<). I don't really like that cause I really like the more intimate part where I can just be beside Ling as much as I can.
Before watching Noah, we went to watch it we played a couple of the games in the arcade beside the cinema in that one I finally beat him in one game thought the next few times we played it I didn't (=.=). Even though I didn't beat him at least I came 2nd or 3rd in the game, it was a racing game and was quite fun.
The movie, Noah was ok. It was quite interesting and reminds me of the things I learnt in Religion. I started think of symbolisms and all that, like the dove that I saw which carried a leaf. Anyway, overall it was a good movie.
It was about 8 when we finish watching the movie so we decided to go and have dinner where we traveled back to central. We ate at a chinese restaurant which specialised in handmade noodles. It was similar to the one I have been to in burwood. The food there was nice though like always I could never finish my food and Ling had to help me. :)
As dinner came to an end, we decided to stay in the city for a bit longer since I already have missed my last bus home and I really didn't want to go home cause I wanted to spend more time with Ling. So, we went back to galaxy world and played a few other games. One included this donkey kong game where we have to insert coin tokens to gain more coin tokens. It was fun at first until we kept getting so many coin tokens that it felt endless. I was getting quite tired just playing that game though I was awaken by the scary game in the arcade where we had to shoot these zombie/ mummy things and the jump out at you. The first one that jumped out scared me so much, the next few I sort of predict it would appear. I remember at one point the screen had shown that I panic as I was shooting at the ground and pulled a string or something around my neck cause it was sore. I am definitely not going back to the game for a while.
We left there around about 10:30 to go home along the way Ling had carried me quite a few times across the street through the park towards the station. I was quite embarrassed and shy about it cause people were sort of looking and I just felt quite bashful. Though I did like the feeling (>v<). We also carried me up the stairs to the platform and there were quite a few people there. *blushing*
We caught the train where I took photos and videos of Ling as he was doing this really cute nyan-cat expression. I really love it cause it was so cute and every time he did it, I couldn't help but smile and laugh. He had done it a few times throughout the day and it was really cute to me ( ^.^).Once we jumped off the train, we got a taxi and it was my first time catching it so I was a little nervous but not really cause I was with Ling, if I was by myself then I would be a little cautious and nervous and worry.
I was so tired by the end of the day and arrived home about 11:30 but I really wish the day didn't end. I had so much fun. Thinking back, it brings a smile to my face. (^.^)
Thank You, Ling For everything and I LOVE YOU
Thank You, Ling For everything and I LOVE YOU
1 Year Anniversary
1 year ago, something had changed and I found someone that brought me many happiness.
A lot of thing has happened over the year.
I had a great day with Ling and received a happiness I would never forget.
I am so happy to have Ling with me.
I made him fortune cookies with a piece of a letter I wrote inside.
I wanted to be honest of how I felt.
I can't exactly remember what I wrote.
But I do remember, I reflect over the year with have been together.
I thought about what I want to do better and what I felt over the year.
I can say I love Ling more that I could ever imagine.
I know at times I may have upset him or disappointed him before.
There is still a lot I need to learn and gain.
But I would be better and make him happier.
Even if I had made him happier I will then try to maintain it.
For as long as we are together,
I would strive to make the time we spend together as special as I can.
I really wish this day didn't end so quickly.
(Details of the day I would post at a later time right now I am so tired.)
Finally note to end this blog.
I LOVE YOU, LING AND HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY.
hehe ^.^
Thursday, 17 April 2014
Made Up
So, as I said last night that I was upset with Ling well. . . yesterday he did apologise to me but it wasn't exactly what I wanted. It was different. To me, it felt like he said it cause Rebecca told him to and that I really didn't like.
I don't know, when I heard him say sorry. I didn't know what to say. My mind just didn't want to forgive my heart feels heavy cause I don't think I wanted it to end in that way. (>~<)
Why was I angry in the first place? I don't understand myself. Oh well. . . I am going to let it go. Not going to dwell in the past. Plus tomorrow is a special day and I want to enjoy it and prepare something special. I got a lot of things I need to do.
So off I go~
I don't know, when I heard him say sorry. I didn't know what to say. My mind just didn't want to forgive my heart feels heavy cause I don't think I wanted it to end in that way. (>~<)
Why was I angry in the first place? I don't understand myself. Oh well. . . I am going to let it go. Not going to dwell in the past. Plus tomorrow is a special day and I want to enjoy it and prepare something special. I got a lot of things I need to do.
So off I go~
Conclusion of the night over.
I remember something. My first time a friend slept over my house was Rebecca and this year would be the last year in high school I would be able to have someone sleep over and that person once again is Rebecca.
On the bus I was reflecting on the difference between this time and our first time that we slept over. We have definitely matured a lot and I feel like we were less energetic like we were the last time. For memory we did a lot of random things we had random girl talks, ate, watched movies, played random games around the house and I remember at night we had a slight pillow fight.
This time around there was a different kind of atmosphere. I don't know how to really describe it but there was just something there that was different. Maybe it was just me. But I still had fun spending time with Rebecca hopefully in the future we still be able to have fun and enjoy each others company. (^.^)
On the bus I was reflecting on the difference between this time and our first time that we slept over. We have definitely matured a lot and I feel like we were less energetic like we were the last time. For memory we did a lot of random things we had random girl talks, ate, watched movies, played random games around the house and I remember at night we had a slight pillow fight.
This time around there was a different kind of atmosphere. I don't know how to really describe it but there was just something there that was different. Maybe it was just me. But I still had fun spending time with Rebecca hopefully in the future we still be able to have fun and enjoy each others company. (^.^)
Wednesday, 16 April 2014
Staying Over
Rebecca is staying over tonight.
We shall have lots of fun. ^.^
Hehe, with her I have forgotten all my worries.
Smile. . . but still Ling keeps popping in my head >.<
Oh well. . . I shall enjoy my night. Hehe
Anger Doesn't Stay Long
Why??? I am being stubborn again. I am no longer angry but I don't want to act like nothing happened. That is what I always do. If I get angry, I wait a little bit and I cool off and then I am all better. My anger doesn't last long, it never does and that I guess is the good part but. . .
Sigh, Ling made me feel sort of angry today and I guess it was sort of a stupid thing to be upset about and actually I don't remember why I am upset but even so. . . You know when I was sort of angry, Ling didn't make me feel better but worse cause the things he joked about just seemed to make it worse. Especially the mention of another girls name. At a time like that another girls name just really bothered me. I was angry to the point that I felt a rush of emotion that nearly brought tears to my eyes but I calmed myself down.
I admit it that it was not necessary for me to get that angry and I admit that what I was angry about was probably very stupid but either way. Why did he have to make it worse? Why can't. . . I don't even know what I am really wanting from him. I was just so angry but it would have been so easy to turn my emotions around. Cause honestly I don't get angry for that long and I have already forgotten why I was angry. I would be stubborn though so just cheering me up. It is all I need to forgive and forget.
TT^TT Feeling so messed up. I don't know what to feel. Sort of angry at myself for being angry. Sort of angry at him for doing something nice and sweet to help me forgive and forget. Sort of angry at myself for being so stubborn. Angry at a lot of things that right now isn't relevant to Ling. I am just at the point I can't express myself. I feel angry but then I don't.
Another thing, I keep thinking of him. Why? Because I really love him. Just do something nice already that all. Maybe I should just forget about it. Let it go. Cause it was stupid. Just let this go like I always do. But then I worry that in the future people would think that you could make me angry in whatever way they want and I won't do anything to retaliate. Then again, that would reduce conflicts growing bigger and bigger until it is something you can't control. (>~<) Maybe I will just let it be, just make me angry cause I won't do anything. Everyone just take advantage of that. Not many people in the world could just forgive and forget that easily. But I really hope people don't. Don't want to be taken advantage of. (Hope that sentence made sense. Hope this whole post made sense, I just ranted out everything that was on my mind.)
Monday, 14 April 2014
My Feelings.
Alright, I released my feelings about something to a friend today and I hope she doesn't mind my honesty. Cause seriously what had happened to her really pissed me off. How can a guy be so inconsiderate that AHHH~~~ I hate that guy so much. If I knew what he looked like and I saw him on the street well that guy better watch out cause I will kick him somewhere he really doesn't want to be kicked. Gosh, annoyance. How can someone be like that? Why can guys just not care about other peoples feelings just like that? Do they not understand the consequence of there actions?
Honestly, guys get your act together. If you don't think of the girls feeling and don't treat them right well you know what don't bother dating you will never keep them in your life.
Alright, I know there are many guys out there that are not like that and I am thankful that I have Ling who understands who to be guy and I am glad I know a few people who have a guy that treats their girl the right way.
But seriously, I hate guys that have this I don't care attitude. AHHH~~~ Hate it just. *Breathe* Alright, warning to all crappy guys out there. Stay away from my friend. Stop hurting her. No one can hurt my precious friend except me :P Jokes. There is someone out there that is just right for you Onee-san. My lovely friend. Please don't be sad. Be happy and positive look in to the brighter future.
Ok, that is about all I wanted to post. Hehe. Hope all my friends find the right person for themselves and that person treats them they way they should be treated. And for mister right who is out there somewhere, please take care of my friends whenever you find her (^.^)
Honestly, guys get your act together. If you don't think of the girls feeling and don't treat them right well you know what don't bother dating you will never keep them in your life.
Alright, I know there are many guys out there that are not like that and I am thankful that I have Ling who understands who to be guy and I am glad I know a few people who have a guy that treats their girl the right way.
But seriously, I hate guys that have this I don't care attitude. AHHH~~~ Hate it just. *Breathe* Alright, warning to all crappy guys out there. Stay away from my friend. Stop hurting her. No one can hurt my precious friend except me :P Jokes. There is someone out there that is just right for you Onee-san. My lovely friend. Please don't be sad. Be happy and positive look in to the brighter future.
Ok, that is about all I wanted to post. Hehe. Hope all my friends find the right person for themselves and that person treats them they way they should be treated. And for mister right who is out there somewhere, please take care of my friends whenever you find her (^.^)
Don't Blame Me.
Ok, don't get upset with me or be angry with me.
But I don't think I am taking care of myself very well.
This is not on purpose or anything but I remember I can't skip breakfast
and if I did I can't really have sweets until I have proper food in me.
For me If I have irregular eating patterns it cause stomach pains
which really hurts so it isn't really good for me.
Tomorrow, I am going to buy breakfast.
I really need it. >~<
Holiday Class
Alright, for school I have a Biology holiday class for two days that last for like 4 hours.
I finally meet up with a friend that I haven't seen in a while,
she hasn't come to class for the past few weeks.
Really missed her.
After class, I spent a lovely afternoon with Y.L and Rebecca.
It was nice we went into a nice personal topics about relationships and sort life things.
It was nice talking to them.
Though at times I was trouble cause I did have somethings on my mind.
Other than that I am happy to have spent sometime with them.
Hope there would be more time like these.
Holiday's Begin
I haven't blogged in a while mainly cause I couldn't really be bother and I am having some personal issues which I want to sort out but this issue I really can't or don't know how to discuss it with others. I think I would keep it a secret.
Anyway, Yes holiday has began and really for this year it really shouldn't be a holidays but more like a studidays for year 12 that is. Though I haven't been studying recently been to tired to. Moving on, I have a lot to blog about and I shall start with my Friday Afternoon.
So on Friday it was the last day of school for term one and I was quite tired and still had maths tut later that day. I decided to jig cause for one it wasn't necessary as the are just holding revision class and had taught everything to us already. I hanged out with Ling for the rest of the afternoon. We first spent out time eating though he was playing on his phone during that time to. I didn't mind I was hungry and I needed food. Afterwards we wanted to watch a movie called Divergent but before we went to buy the tickets we bumped into two of my friends and hanged out with the for a few minutes.
The movie Divergent was not a bad movie and I liked it. It also interested me in reading the book until I found a spoiler which made me realise that I won't like the book as much. So I still considering but that is another story, haha. Anyway, I missed my last bus later that night so we ended staying together a little longer and ended up going to and interent cafe. We play LOL and I think I am starting to like it though I still need to understand the basic concepts of it and how to play better. This would take some time but not know cause I obviously won't have that much time.
I ended up calling my sister BF to pick me up cause I had no other ways of getting home other than calling a taxi and not sure if I was that comfortable with catching a taxi. I really had a great time hag out with Ling. Made me feel happy and just really enjoyed myself. Sigh~ Wish there could be more times like this.
Fun, Fun, Fun. I like it ^.^
Anyway, Yes holiday has began and really for this year it really shouldn't be a holidays but more like a studidays for year 12 that is. Though I haven't been studying recently been to tired to. Moving on, I have a lot to blog about and I shall start with my Friday Afternoon.
So on Friday it was the last day of school for term one and I was quite tired and still had maths tut later that day. I decided to jig cause for one it wasn't necessary as the are just holding revision class and had taught everything to us already. I hanged out with Ling for the rest of the afternoon. We first spent out time eating though he was playing on his phone during that time to. I didn't mind I was hungry and I needed food. Afterwards we wanted to watch a movie called Divergent but before we went to buy the tickets we bumped into two of my friends and hanged out with the for a few minutes.
The movie Divergent was not a bad movie and I liked it. It also interested me in reading the book until I found a spoiler which made me realise that I won't like the book as much. So I still considering but that is another story, haha. Anyway, I missed my last bus later that night so we ended staying together a little longer and ended up going to and interent cafe. We play LOL and I think I am starting to like it though I still need to understand the basic concepts of it and how to play better. This would take some time but not know cause I obviously won't have that much time.
I ended up calling my sister BF to pick me up cause I had no other ways of getting home other than calling a taxi and not sure if I was that comfortable with catching a taxi. I really had a great time hag out with Ling. Made me feel happy and just really enjoyed myself. Sigh~ Wish there could be more times like this.
Fun, Fun, Fun. I like it ^.^
Saturday, 12 April 2014
301 Posts
I just really my last post was 300th post.
Unfortunately it was sort of a depressing one.
But, amazing I can be interesting in this in blogging for this long.
Soon, it would be approximately one year I start this blog.
Next week is going to be a busy week.
Lots of tutoring and holiday class.
There is one important date that I would never forget.
Hehe, gonna be busy ^.^
Thursday, 10 April 2014
Falls of mood.
Sigh, I feeling quite depressed once again.
I don't want to mention it some people cause I know it would affect them.
But right now I can't help it.
I just gonna rant it out here.
But not today.
Gotta finish homework.
Voice Test.
You know, I decided to take advantage of being alone at home. Since my sister was going to home later tonight I decided to record my own voice as I sang a few songs I think I would be able to produce a good voice. I practice and improved my voice each time until I was able to singing the whole song and make minimum amount of mistakes and still sound good.
I told one friend about it and she wanted to hear it but there was so technical difficulty with the recording so I couldn't show her. In some way, it was a relief cause even though I feel like it sound quite nice I don't think other would think so. Usually, when I think my voice sound nice other would find that it isn't really good and could pin point a bad quality of it. I appreciate it even though it doesn't make me feel so good.
Honestly, I look down upon myself cause I have no good qualities except the random gift of unable to gain an weight not matter how much I eat. What else is good about me? I have no looks other then skinniness. I have no strong academic skills. I don't have an good physical strengthen. I don't have a good voice. I don't have a very good social skills. My life would be hard in the future.
I say this but somehow I am not too bother about it. I will still show my friend cause I trust her and I do want to hear an honest opinion of the recording cause everyone has a different perspective and I don't trust mine very much.
Anyway, I enjoy singing and recording my own voice. My throat got a little dry and hoarse but it was fun and that is all that really mattered. Made me feel happier and free. I forgot about everything else.
Singing is fun just wished I had a good voice. I do know two people who has the most beautifulest voice ever. One is S.Z, I mean wow her voice is wonderful. She seriously need to consider being a singer as a career. She has the looks and the voice what else does she need. Another one is V.N. She has such a nice voice, I remember being envious of listening to her sign one song last time it was just beautiful. I also remember who she can do a freestyle rap in a random song that had been chosen Karaoke. She did it one or two years ago and I was amazed at that talent. I wish I had a strong voice that could be like an attractive feature. So far my attractive feature is my skinniness and long legs (Pleased about my long legs ^.^ Boasting a bit, sorry :P)
Anyway, I had fun who cares if people think I sing bad cause it isn't gonna be what I really want to be in the future though it would be cool to be able to have a famous career. Oh Well~~~
I told one friend about it and she wanted to hear it but there was so technical difficulty with the recording so I couldn't show her. In some way, it was a relief cause even though I feel like it sound quite nice I don't think other would think so. Usually, when I think my voice sound nice other would find that it isn't really good and could pin point a bad quality of it. I appreciate it even though it doesn't make me feel so good.
Honestly, I look down upon myself cause I have no good qualities except the random gift of unable to gain an weight not matter how much I eat. What else is good about me? I have no looks other then skinniness. I have no strong academic skills. I don't have an good physical strengthen. I don't have a good voice. I don't have a very good social skills. My life would be hard in the future.
I say this but somehow I am not too bother about it. I will still show my friend cause I trust her and I do want to hear an honest opinion of the recording cause everyone has a different perspective and I don't trust mine very much.
Anyway, I enjoy singing and recording my own voice. My throat got a little dry and hoarse but it was fun and that is all that really mattered. Made me feel happier and free. I forgot about everything else.
Singing is fun just wished I had a good voice. I do know two people who has the most beautifulest voice ever. One is S.Z, I mean wow her voice is wonderful. She seriously need to consider being a singer as a career. She has the looks and the voice what else does she need. Another one is V.N. She has such a nice voice, I remember being envious of listening to her sign one song last time it was just beautiful. I also remember who she can do a freestyle rap in a random song that had been chosen Karaoke. She did it one or two years ago and I was amazed at that talent. I wish I had a strong voice that could be like an attractive feature. So far my attractive feature is my skinniness and long legs (Pleased about my long legs ^.^ Boasting a bit, sorry :P)
Anyway, I had fun who cares if people think I sing bad cause it isn't gonna be what I really want to be in the future though it would be cool to be able to have a famous career. Oh Well~~~
Change
You know, Today I got really pissed about something. I don't want to be to obvious but maybe by blogging this post would make it obvious. . . (>~<). Oh well. . . I really need to rant out this anger I felt. But I won't say what or who made me feel so angry which would be a bit hard to explain.
Alright, I come to realise that one little thing can cause such a big change and this is making me feel like I am losing everything. I don't like that feeling cause what I am losing is the one thing I never wanted to disappear. I didn't like how I felt nor the way things changed. I noticed the change before but I choose to ignore cause I everything seem to end up alright. After what happened today, I was angry cause I noticed this change again and I hated it.
I thought to myself, I give up and I don't think everything that has happened is worth my effort. But that was at the heat of my anger. I was so angry that I was willing to give up something that was really important to me. Like always my anger didn't last long and I admittedly thought about the consequences of what I have said and what it would lead to. Something this small is not worth me giving up my effort and sacrificing something that is important to me. I shouldn't expect to get what I give cause I told myself I want to be able to give and not get anything in return cause I am willing to do it.
However, I don't think people would understand this feeling. One cause I didn't explain in much detail cause I don't want this to result in some kind of conflict or any problems. I also don't want to result into another change cause I know that it would be all because of me and then I will feel guilty and all that. Alright I know this paragraph makes no sense and probably this entice blog doesn't seem to make much sense.
The main point is that something happened today that cause me to lose my cool and I saw it happen before which further bothered me cause it seems like other people are oblivious to it. Sigh~ I need to let it go. I can't be selfish.
Too much is changing and I don't like it. I don't like it feeling distant. I am glad that one thing hasn't changed but in fact grown into something stronger. I certain that this one thing would last for a long time and I really hope nothing in the future would every break it.
Sigh~ I am sorry for this random rant which I think most people won't understand. But I am feel depressed about this situation I have experienced plus I would never be able to discuss this with any of my friends cause that would lead to so much other topics I have to explain and somethings I shouldn't say. So to avoid trouble I am keeping what really happened to me a secret. No one can ever get it out of me. I mean it, this time I won't say a thing which isn't like me cause I like to openly express myself to my friends. I might express one thing to a friend. But I am not going to reveal anything.
Alright, sorry about this rant. Please everyone continue to enjoy your evening.
Alright, I come to realise that one little thing can cause such a big change and this is making me feel like I am losing everything. I don't like that feeling cause what I am losing is the one thing I never wanted to disappear. I didn't like how I felt nor the way things changed. I noticed the change before but I choose to ignore cause I everything seem to end up alright. After what happened today, I was angry cause I noticed this change again and I hated it.
I thought to myself, I give up and I don't think everything that has happened is worth my effort. But that was at the heat of my anger. I was so angry that I was willing to give up something that was really important to me. Like always my anger didn't last long and I admittedly thought about the consequences of what I have said and what it would lead to. Something this small is not worth me giving up my effort and sacrificing something that is important to me. I shouldn't expect to get what I give cause I told myself I want to be able to give and not get anything in return cause I am willing to do it.
However, I don't think people would understand this feeling. One cause I didn't explain in much detail cause I don't want this to result in some kind of conflict or any problems. I also don't want to result into another change cause I know that it would be all because of me and then I will feel guilty and all that. Alright I know this paragraph makes no sense and probably this entice blog doesn't seem to make much sense.
The main point is that something happened today that cause me to lose my cool and I saw it happen before which further bothered me cause it seems like other people are oblivious to it. Sigh~ I need to let it go. I can't be selfish.
Too much is changing and I don't like it. I don't like it feeling distant. I am glad that one thing hasn't changed but in fact grown into something stronger. I certain that this one thing would last for a long time and I really hope nothing in the future would every break it.
Sigh~ I am sorry for this random rant which I think most people won't understand. But I am feel depressed about this situation I have experienced plus I would never be able to discuss this with any of my friends cause that would lead to so much other topics I have to explain and somethings I shouldn't say. So to avoid trouble I am keeping what really happened to me a secret. No one can ever get it out of me. I mean it, this time I won't say a thing which isn't like me cause I like to openly express myself to my friends. I might express one thing to a friend. But I am not going to reveal anything.
Alright, sorry about this rant. Please everyone continue to enjoy your evening.
Wednesday, 9 April 2014
Accompanied.
Today, was a messed up day. Only had like two lesson really, one was maths and the other was english. I hanged out with D.H a lot, today. But I was quite happy to hang out with. I realised I grown rather close to her and she almost knows all my problems and sort of gives me information about Ling at times since they are family friends. Not sure if I mention this before but it was actually D.H who introduced me to Ling. Little match maker there. :P
Anyway, so for school we had assemble and I didn't really listen and kind of was messing around with D.H who sat next to me. After came lunch where there was a big sister little sister picnic thing and there was also sausage sizzle which I quite enjoy as well. I gave my little sister an east bunny I brought and I thought that would be nice. Then comes, this harmony day concert thing which we were celebrating today since we couldn't on the actually date. There was different culture doing different dances, quite interesting to watch. There was no one doing an chinese or korean dances which was kind of boring but oh well. I don't really expect it from our school.
So after school, I promised D.H to accompany her to burwood before her tutoring or go homework club with her if it was on which it wasn't. So I ended up accompanied her to burwood and we ate and talked. Can't pin point what the topics was about but some of them did include Ling. From some reason, I accompanied her to tutoring. Why? I don't even know. I don't do Economics even though I wish I had. But really. Why did I stay? I know D.H wanted me to and I didn't want to but I ended up staying. Sigh~ I didn't understand. Well some things I did understand and it sort of sticked in my head.
But, Yeah that girl owes me something for the 2 hours of my life that I don't get back. LOL, Jokes. :P Oh well.
Just to nice can't say no to staying with her today. But only today. I can only be nice to her once a year. I said that to her before. But that is different, hehe. Yeah that is who my relationship works with D.H. We have some personal conversations and then there is the times where we kind of like argue but friendly argue and then there is the times we just joke around. It is fun being with her. Hmm. . . Maybe that is why I stayed. I don't know. I don't think a lot of people would have done that for a friend. But there might be a few that would. I don't know.
This is slowly turning out to be a weird post so I shall end it here. ^.^
Anyway, so for school we had assemble and I didn't really listen and kind of was messing around with D.H who sat next to me. After came lunch where there was a big sister little sister picnic thing and there was also sausage sizzle which I quite enjoy as well. I gave my little sister an east bunny I brought and I thought that would be nice. Then comes, this harmony day concert thing which we were celebrating today since we couldn't on the actually date. There was different culture doing different dances, quite interesting to watch. There was no one doing an chinese or korean dances which was kind of boring but oh well. I don't really expect it from our school.
So after school, I promised D.H to accompany her to burwood before her tutoring or go homework club with her if it was on which it wasn't. So I ended up accompanied her to burwood and we ate and talked. Can't pin point what the topics was about but some of them did include Ling. From some reason, I accompanied her to tutoring. Why? I don't even know. I don't do Economics even though I wish I had. But really. Why did I stay? I know D.H wanted me to and I didn't want to but I ended up staying. Sigh~ I didn't understand. Well some things I did understand and it sort of sticked in my head.
But, Yeah that girl owes me something for the 2 hours of my life that I don't get back. LOL, Jokes. :P Oh well.
Just to nice can't say no to staying with her today. But only today. I can only be nice to her once a year. I said that to her before. But that is different, hehe. Yeah that is who my relationship works with D.H. We have some personal conversations and then there is the times where we kind of like argue but friendly argue and then there is the times we just joke around. It is fun being with her. Hmm. . . Maybe that is why I stayed. I don't know. I don't think a lot of people would have done that for a friend. But there might be a few that would. I don't know.
This is slowly turning out to be a weird post so I shall end it here. ^.^
Tuesday, 8 April 2014
Sleepy~~~
OMG I need sleep.
On sunday night, I went to sleep early-ish but you know what
I couldn't sleep my mind was wide awake for ages and I kept tossing and turning.
When I finally feel asleep I had to wake up.
Last night, I feel asleep only to be woken up by my stomach ache that was hurting for a while.
I had to hug a pillow which ease the pain and allowed me to fall asleep
which also resulted in some weird dreams.
But seriously.
I NEED SLEEP.
SO TIRED.
Watching Stars
Soft yet damp grass tickles my skin as the autumn breeze brush across my face
while the lush green grass dances to its music.
My eyes focus on the glimmering stars that lies beyond my reach
yet watches over me like an guardian angel.
The beaming moonlight,
shines through the darkness reflecting it protection over the peaceful haven.
A hidden face covers the watchful stars
as I see the moonlight bouncing of his smooth skin.
His soft yet intense stare makes my heart flutter.
I gazed into to his heart through his dark brown eyes
as I slowly begin to feel a soft plump lips land against mine.
I close my eyes and sink into the passionate kiss,
feeling the warmth of love despite the sharp air that surrounds me.
I was looking up at the stars today while I was on the bus and I thought to myself that wonder it be wonderful to be able to lie on the grass with the person you love and enjoy each others company.
I want to experience something like this, one day with a guy I love. Maybe Ling, or maybe an unknown guy in the future. But it would be the most amazing thing to experience.
Hope you guys like me little description of a beautiful moment I wish to enjoy
Monday, 7 April 2014
Times have Changed
Today, I just felt like reading over some old cards given to my friends and reading them and remember back to the past brought tears into my eyes. How times have changed? How we each have grown? When I read these cards I can see how much my friends have all grown since the first time I meet them. I see how much I have grown since they meet me.
In some way, it is sort of depressing cause I found out how our friendship has evolved and changed over time. Reading over it and thinking about the past and the present I feel like things a different. I feel at times I am not as close with someone. There is just so much that has happened over my high school years and so much changes. Some things you don't even notice.
I feel both happy and sad that I developed closer relationship with some and less with others. Some friends are sort of in the middle, cause I feel close with them but not as much as I did. I don't know if that really made since.
It is just fascinating, how everyone's personality has changed a little bit and how matured we have become. I want to return back to the younger years where I was so carefree and spent time with my friends gain a deeper friendship. Now things are more complex. But then again I don't want to go back cause I have things now that I didn't before. One of them is Ling. He brought me so much happiness over the times we have been together though at the same time he has brought a few sadness and worries into my life as well.
There is so much that has happened over the years. Though there is one thing that will never change.
That is I LOVE MY FRIENDS. I have so this before and I will say it again: Friends are the family we choose ourselves and I am so glad I choose the friends I have cause they are truly like family. Everyone needs to hold on to what they said in the cards. We have to be friends until we are old and ugly (though my friends will never grow ugly no matter how old they are ^.^)
In some way, it is sort of depressing cause I found out how our friendship has evolved and changed over time. Reading over it and thinking about the past and the present I feel like things a different. I feel at times I am not as close with someone. There is just so much that has happened over my high school years and so much changes. Some things you don't even notice.
I feel both happy and sad that I developed closer relationship with some and less with others. Some friends are sort of in the middle, cause I feel close with them but not as much as I did. I don't know if that really made since.
It is just fascinating, how everyone's personality has changed a little bit and how matured we have become. I want to return back to the younger years where I was so carefree and spent time with my friends gain a deeper friendship. Now things are more complex. But then again I don't want to go back cause I have things now that I didn't before. One of them is Ling. He brought me so much happiness over the times we have been together though at the same time he has brought a few sadness and worries into my life as well.
There is so much that has happened over the years. Though there is one thing that will never change.
That is I LOVE MY FRIENDS. I have so this before and I will say it again: Friends are the family we choose ourselves and I am so glad I choose the friends I have cause they are truly like family. Everyone needs to hold on to what they said in the cards. We have to be friends until we are old and ugly (though my friends will never grow ugly no matter how old they are ^.^)
Sunday, 6 April 2014
Outing with Ling
Today, I went out with Ling. We had planned to go to the library to study but things didn't go exactly to plan.
So we agreed to meet at 11:00 at the station where from there we had lunch at a nearby restaurant. Lunch was delicious however, what happened at the end was. . . I just died. Reason? Well Ling had made me eat a piece of chilli. It was a small cut up chilli but I died from that small piece. You see, I eat really slowly especially when I get full it takes me a while to swallow a mouthful of food and this time I was quite full. I chew the chilli when I should really try and gulp down the small piece of chilli. I had to drink a lot of water after to reduce the burning sensation in my mouth. Tears flowed down my cheeks as a result of it.
So that was lunch and Ling continued to make fun of what happened at Lunch so tempted of pouring the water from my bottle on to him. We enter the station and travelled to Ashfield for a while before catching the train again to go to the library. As we waited on the platform, I had somehow mention that I think I used to look quite cute when I was younger. Ling commented on it, something that offended me. So I walked away and sat somewhere else cause this time it bothered me though in actually fact a few minutes seating away from him I was already over it. I don't hold grudges and I can't stay angry for long but I can be stubborn. So I didn't want to forget it and walk back like nothing happened, sort wanted him to come over and make it up. From a far he did joke around a bit and I ignored it.
It also started raining and I was sitting somewhere without shelter so I was like really?!?! Did it have to rain at this time? I thought about walking to another seat but it would mean walking towards Ling and I wanted to be stubborn and get him to come over. So I ended up putting an umbrella over my head. After a few minutes, he did come over and make up for it.
So catching the train, we ended up not going to the library but instead to an internet cafe where we spent the rest of our time together playing LOL. First time trying the game it was fun but I failed at it so much. Oh well. . . There was a lot of other things that happened and one included the bathroom which I really disliked cause there a whole big spider web on the ceiling and stretch to the corner of the door. When I was exiting I saw it and I freaked out a bit. >.< Did not like that bathroom.
Overall, I enjoy hanging out with Ling though it probably wasn't the ideal place I prefer to be going to but then again I was just happy to spend time with him.
So we agreed to meet at 11:00 at the station where from there we had lunch at a nearby restaurant. Lunch was delicious however, what happened at the end was. . . I just died. Reason? Well Ling had made me eat a piece of chilli. It was a small cut up chilli but I died from that small piece. You see, I eat really slowly especially when I get full it takes me a while to swallow a mouthful of food and this time I was quite full. I chew the chilli when I should really try and gulp down the small piece of chilli. I had to drink a lot of water after to reduce the burning sensation in my mouth. Tears flowed down my cheeks as a result of it.
So that was lunch and Ling continued to make fun of what happened at Lunch so tempted of pouring the water from my bottle on to him. We enter the station and travelled to Ashfield for a while before catching the train again to go to the library. As we waited on the platform, I had somehow mention that I think I used to look quite cute when I was younger. Ling commented on it, something that offended me. So I walked away and sat somewhere else cause this time it bothered me though in actually fact a few minutes seating away from him I was already over it. I don't hold grudges and I can't stay angry for long but I can be stubborn. So I didn't want to forget it and walk back like nothing happened, sort wanted him to come over and make it up. From a far he did joke around a bit and I ignored it.
It also started raining and I was sitting somewhere without shelter so I was like really?!?! Did it have to rain at this time? I thought about walking to another seat but it would mean walking towards Ling and I wanted to be stubborn and get him to come over. So I ended up putting an umbrella over my head. After a few minutes, he did come over and make up for it.
So catching the train, we ended up not going to the library but instead to an internet cafe where we spent the rest of our time together playing LOL. First time trying the game it was fun but I failed at it so much. Oh well. . . There was a lot of other things that happened and one included the bathroom which I really disliked cause there a whole big spider web on the ceiling and stretch to the corner of the door. When I was exiting I saw it and I freaked out a bit. >.< Did not like that bathroom.
Overall, I enjoy hanging out with Ling though it probably wasn't the ideal place I prefer to be going to but then again I was just happy to spend time with him.
Saturday, 5 April 2014
A Night To Remember.
Today, I had lots of fun even though I still had lots on my mind. I spent my day with my friends as sort of a celebration our exams are over and to meet with a friend that we haven't seen in a long time.
I meet up with M.V at the train station before traveling with her to central. Along the way, we found out that two of our friends were going to be late which is V.N and Rebecca. So instead, we meet up with S.Z and E.W at central before going to market place in search for phone cases. We went to a few stores before finally buying a phone case. As the shopping ended, we travelled to Karaoke place and waited for the arrival of our other friends. V.N was going to be later then expected and Rebecca was on her way.
Once she arrived, the fun starts as we start singing in the Karaoke room. Excitement builds up the moment V.N arrived. Lots of hugging and screaming. Overall the karaoke was fun though I noticed a few things in the room and was also remainder of a few things when some songs came up.
After Karaoke came the sweetness time as we made our way to a desert shop called "Meet Fresh." We all order something except E.W and it was delicious to a point where a disturbing topic popped into our conversation. After that, our deserts didn't looks as delicious as it did when we first got it. Therefore leaving the shop to accompany M.V to the station as well as detouring into Morning Glory for a glance.
We farewelled M.V at the station and travel back to Market place where we had dinner. During our meal we had talked about some thing that has happened and caught up with V.N. They also wanted me to say something that had been bothering me. I did want to tell them but then again I didn't know where to start and wasn't sure if saying at the time was the best time our not. I wasn't feeling too comfortable about it.
Dinner concluded and later comes the desert again where we lined up for some Cream Puffs, however V.N refused to eat any. Sort of sadden cause it was really yummy and I wanted her to try. I understand why she doesn't want any and I shouldn't really tried to force her to eat some. After, getting cream puffs the part I like the most was taking photos. I love it cause I get to keep them in my litte box as these memories would be with me forever. I paid and I had told everyone not to pay me back however two people refused to listen to that and still gave me there share of the photos. (>.<)
Our next plan was to go karaoke, again. But the cost was to expensive therefore alternatively we traveled to Darling Harbour and V.N took a lot of photos along the way. Towards the end, Rebecca and I laid on the grass as we waited for V.N and S.Z who went to the bathroom as S.Z had slipped over the wet grass a few minutes ago. It was so peaceful watching the night sky with Rebecca and during that short period of time I gradually opened up something that I now felt comfortable in saying. I guess it was because I like the peaceful atmosphere and the one on on talk.
As I watched the night sky something bothered me. I sort felt scared as well. I look up at the sky, the clouds drifting past as the stairs become visible at times. I thought how vast the skies and how far away it seemed. I felt so small and sort of insignificant. The feeling is sort of hard to explain really. Anyway, after our peaceful rest on the ground, we left for Mcdonalds where we each brought something to eat and stayed there for a while before travelling home.
Overall, I really enjoy the day out with my friends. I haven't gone out with girls in so long and I really missed the fun we had. I had forgotten most of my trouble while I was with them except the time where I was alone for a few minutes and started reflecting on some things.
Honestly, I love the city at night. The lights and the atmosphere and the people you are with. Everything just made the night so memorable.
To my friends:
I Love You Guys and
Thank You for the Amazing Night.
We will do it again, one day.
I meet up with M.V at the train station before traveling with her to central. Along the way, we found out that two of our friends were going to be late which is V.N and Rebecca. So instead, we meet up with S.Z and E.W at central before going to market place in search for phone cases. We went to a few stores before finally buying a phone case. As the shopping ended, we travelled to Karaoke place and waited for the arrival of our other friends. V.N was going to be later then expected and Rebecca was on her way.
Once she arrived, the fun starts as we start singing in the Karaoke room. Excitement builds up the moment V.N arrived. Lots of hugging and screaming. Overall the karaoke was fun though I noticed a few things in the room and was also remainder of a few things when some songs came up.
After Karaoke came the sweetness time as we made our way to a desert shop called "Meet Fresh." We all order something except E.W and it was delicious to a point where a disturbing topic popped into our conversation. After that, our deserts didn't looks as delicious as it did when we first got it. Therefore leaving the shop to accompany M.V to the station as well as detouring into Morning Glory for a glance.
We farewelled M.V at the station and travel back to Market place where we had dinner. During our meal we had talked about some thing that has happened and caught up with V.N. They also wanted me to say something that had been bothering me. I did want to tell them but then again I didn't know where to start and wasn't sure if saying at the time was the best time our not. I wasn't feeling too comfortable about it.
Dinner concluded and later comes the desert again where we lined up for some Cream Puffs, however V.N refused to eat any. Sort of sadden cause it was really yummy and I wanted her to try. I understand why she doesn't want any and I shouldn't really tried to force her to eat some. After, getting cream puffs the part I like the most was taking photos. I love it cause I get to keep them in my litte box as these memories would be with me forever. I paid and I had told everyone not to pay me back however two people refused to listen to that and still gave me there share of the photos. (>.<)
Our next plan was to go karaoke, again. But the cost was to expensive therefore alternatively we traveled to Darling Harbour and V.N took a lot of photos along the way. Towards the end, Rebecca and I laid on the grass as we waited for V.N and S.Z who went to the bathroom as S.Z had slipped over the wet grass a few minutes ago. It was so peaceful watching the night sky with Rebecca and during that short period of time I gradually opened up something that I now felt comfortable in saying. I guess it was because I like the peaceful atmosphere and the one on on talk.
As I watched the night sky something bothered me. I sort felt scared as well. I look up at the sky, the clouds drifting past as the stairs become visible at times. I thought how vast the skies and how far away it seemed. I felt so small and sort of insignificant. The feeling is sort of hard to explain really. Anyway, after our peaceful rest on the ground, we left for Mcdonalds where we each brought something to eat and stayed there for a while before travelling home.
Overall, I really enjoy the day out with my friends. I haven't gone out with girls in so long and I really missed the fun we had. I had forgotten most of my trouble while I was with them except the time where I was alone for a few minutes and started reflecting on some things.
Honestly, I love the city at night. The lights and the atmosphere and the people you are with. Everything just made the night so memorable.
To my friends:
I Love You Guys and
Thank You for the Amazing Night.
We will do it again, one day.
Friday, 4 April 2014
Tease
I have been thinking a lot, today. I mention this before, but for me to think a lot is usually not a good sign. It means I will worry and when I worry I tend to over think things that has a very low chance of happening. Can't say it won't cause there is always a small percentage that it would. The point is I am just overviewing somethings that been bothering me.
I saw Ling, today I wonder around Westifield with him so that he could buy some stationary that he needed. He teased me a lot but that is normal and I grown to get use to it. But you know teasing me has a limit and he nearly pushed me over the limit. I manage to maintain it and just let it go but now I am just thinking over what had happened today.
You know during my Studies of Religion class, we had to combine with other classes. The teacher called my name and I said here. After my name was called I heard someone sang couple of words of the a child cartoon that contained my name. I wasn't to upset about at first and sort of just brushed it off. When Ling today went past a product that had the cartoon on it he was like "Do you want this?" Again I brushed it off and playfully hit him with my blazer. He did tease me a bit after which I just kept brushing it off and sort or pretend I cared but not really at the same time.
Truthfully, I can some teasing but just don't over do it. The cartoon tease was annoying and that is why I had used to hate my name until I realised it also meant gift which sort of brought a silver lining. I am sort of sensitive in what people call me and I care a lot about what people call me. A few things that immediately irritate me would be sing the theme song of that cartoon and some calling me "Dodo." There is one person I don't mind calling me "Dodo" my sister and now she doesn't call me that often. There is one friend of mine who I rarely talk to who also calls me this and it really annoys me. When I told her I don't like she sort of doesn't listen. . . I don't understand why should wouldn't stop calling me that. I don't see her often and probably won't see her often as she is younger than me and is only a bus friend. I was much closer to her sister who was one year older and had caught the bus with her for 4 years.
So that is one thing that sort of upset me today. There is other things that are bothering me but I have been suppressing all my thoughts and all that sadness which I can feel a bit. So now, I don't know what I am feeling and I don't know what is exactly bothering me. In a way, if I don't know then I should not worry or care about it but that isn't how I work. I tend to just keep feeling that way until it goes away.
I don't know.
So much is going around in my head. But I shall be happy cause tomorrow I can see my friends and hang out with them which is something we haven't done in a while. I can't wait.
I saw Ling, today I wonder around Westifield with him so that he could buy some stationary that he needed. He teased me a lot but that is normal and I grown to get use to it. But you know teasing me has a limit and he nearly pushed me over the limit. I manage to maintain it and just let it go but now I am just thinking over what had happened today.
You know during my Studies of Religion class, we had to combine with other classes. The teacher called my name and I said here. After my name was called I heard someone sang couple of words of the a child cartoon that contained my name. I wasn't to upset about at first and sort of just brushed it off. When Ling today went past a product that had the cartoon on it he was like "Do you want this?" Again I brushed it off and playfully hit him with my blazer. He did tease me a bit after which I just kept brushing it off and sort or pretend I cared but not really at the same time.
Truthfully, I can some teasing but just don't over do it. The cartoon tease was annoying and that is why I had used to hate my name until I realised it also meant gift which sort of brought a silver lining. I am sort of sensitive in what people call me and I care a lot about what people call me. A few things that immediately irritate me would be sing the theme song of that cartoon and some calling me "Dodo." There is one person I don't mind calling me "Dodo" my sister and now she doesn't call me that often. There is one friend of mine who I rarely talk to who also calls me this and it really annoys me. When I told her I don't like she sort of doesn't listen. . . I don't understand why should wouldn't stop calling me that. I don't see her often and probably won't see her often as she is younger than me and is only a bus friend. I was much closer to her sister who was one year older and had caught the bus with her for 4 years.
So that is one thing that sort of upset me today. There is other things that are bothering me but I have been suppressing all my thoughts and all that sadness which I can feel a bit. So now, I don't know what I am feeling and I don't know what is exactly bothering me. In a way, if I don't know then I should not worry or care about it but that isn't how I work. I tend to just keep feeling that way until it goes away.
I don't know.
So much is going around in my head. But I shall be happy cause tomorrow I can see my friends and hang out with them which is something we haven't done in a while. I can't wait.
Thursday, 3 April 2014
Anxiety begins.
I was talking to D.H today and our conversation had sort of depressed myself. It was sort of a personal conversation. We talk about Ling and his situation as D.H is a family friend of his and their parents had communicate today. The things she told me gave me the indication that I might not be able to contact him for a while. This was the worry I had last week and the thing that depressed me. I can be strong. I can try and last a long period of time not being able to contact her. But waiting is a pain.
I don't know what would happen if I can't contact him or see him until after HSC. I know I would miss him so much. (>.<) But no matter what there is one day this year that I have to see him on. No excuse. It is a must. At least I hope, I can otherwise it would be the most depressing thing.
Other things that worry me. . . is the HSC my marks are not what I was aiming for and I know this time I didn't work hard enough. I know I could have done better. My results is so going to affect my HSC mark. Would I even be able to get the marks I want for University? Maybe I end just being a nurse following a path I don't want to go and living a miserable hard life. Sounds about right. I never really able to get one simple thing in life. I have experience many happy memories but one thing I had always wanted to experience and see would never come true.
I know there is a saying nothing is impossible but this one is. I think I have mention this before but I have never seen my parents acting cute and lovey dovey with each other. Not once in my life. Never see them kiss. Never seen them Hug. Never seen them say anything sweet or cute to one another. Is that normal? There is people out there who like me have never seen this in their life. I wish I could just once would make me happy.
I just got so much on my mind. So much depressing things going around in my head. I know it would blow over and I know there is people who is in a worse situation.
I only have one goal in my life now. I want to be able to find the right guy, who wants the same thing I do that happy family where we can live peaceful with each other. I want to find the guy that could share my dream of having that happy family that I was could never fully experience as a child. If I achieve this one simple goal in life, then I would be happy. I don't want to fall into the same life as my mother. I don't want to suffer like my mum. Is that possible for me? Well in this case nothing is impossible. Lets hope for the best. I just can't see that hope at the moment.
Wanna cry but holding it in. Can't let it out. I won't let it out. I will be strong. I need to. Can't be dependent, anymore. I need to learn to take care of myself. BE STRONG~ But I will just be weak for a few more minutes. (no crying though.)
Feel more confident.
I feel a bit more confident now.
I use to never be able to start up a conversation with people I am not close to but I did today.
I talk to the bus guy who I haven't seen who a while now.
When I saw him get off the bus I said hi and
started up a conversation which I was proud and happy about. I
need to have more guy friends.
My next door neighbour who also caught the same bus join our conversation along the way not sure why cause usually he doesn't even talk to me at all.
But whatever.
I enjoy the conversation a bit.
Though the conversation stay on the topic of school.
Oh well.
I hopefully I can make some more guy friends.
Just need some more social interactions and be more open.
^.^
Wednesday, 2 April 2014
Some Strangers Are Rude
You know what, something rude happened to me. I am not sure if this is rude to some people to me it was.
Anyway, so today I wanted to go out to eat and reason why I stayed behind after school waiting for my friend M.V to finished her period 7 class before going to strathfield to eat. As we were walking down the street with S.Z and E.W, there was this lady that was a metre or 2 in front of us walking the other directions. I think I had saw her pause for a few seconds but this I am not to certain.
Anyway, I was walking next to M.V and as the Lady moved walked past her elbow bang against my arm. It really hurt as well and she just kept walking and turn to tell me to "watch out." They way she said it was just so rude and it pissed me off. I mean she has space to move to the side instead bumping into me.
>.< It really hurt as well. That was the bad thing that happened to day other than that I had food and I slept a bit therefore I am happy. Really want to sleep recently. I think I need more sleep.
Oh well off to do something. . . Maybe study.
Anyway, so today I wanted to go out to eat and reason why I stayed behind after school waiting for my friend M.V to finished her period 7 class before going to strathfield to eat. As we were walking down the street with S.Z and E.W, there was this lady that was a metre or 2 in front of us walking the other directions. I think I had saw her pause for a few seconds but this I am not to certain.
Anyway, I was walking next to M.V and as the Lady moved walked past her elbow bang against my arm. It really hurt as well and she just kept walking and turn to tell me to "watch out." They way she said it was just so rude and it pissed me off. I mean she has space to move to the side instead bumping into me.
>.< It really hurt as well. That was the bad thing that happened to day other than that I had food and I slept a bit therefore I am happy. Really want to sleep recently. I think I need more sleep.
Oh well off to do something. . . Maybe study.
Tuesday, 1 April 2014
Hehe~~~ Got Presents~~~
My sister, came home and show me the present that she got me.
It is all BTS which is what I wanted.
YAY~~~
Happy.
Though they don't think they are good-looking or have good music but I love listening to their songs.
Hehe. BTS~~~
Coughing never ending. . .
Omg, my throat is so irritating me.
I am like coughing non-stop and I felt so tired today.
I honestly could like fall asleep in class for tut and in school.
I am not sure why I am so tired.
My coughing is also getting worse. I
just keep coughing and I can't stop.
AHHH~~~ The cough is irritating.
Oh and my sister coming back.
Hehe gotta go and greet her.
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