Want to Fly 想飞

Have you ever seen your parents act all lovey dovey in front of you? Or hear them saying sweet things too each other that might either make you think how cute or brings shivers down your back? I never experienced this kind of feeling so I really don't know what reaction occurs when your parents are all sweet and lovey dovey to each other.

Since I was young I wanted to just say that kind of scene or kind of hoped that there is still something between my parents. But over the years I gradually excepted the fact that I would never be able to see such a scene. All I will ever see is either them discussing about important matters, arguing, complaining, or just talking about random things that slowly ends up with an disagreement somewhere along the line. Come to think of it I have never seen my parents even kiss not even on the fore head of check.

Maybe I am just thinking to much and that when I am not around they have such moments but I have been thinking that many times before. It just becomes less and less convincing each time. I envy those with a happy family, those who are able to see the love between there parents. You can't choose your family.

Though I can choose who I would love and the friends I have. They are like a completely different family where I can see the love and care between each other. I am able to feel the happiness that it brings me unlike being at home when I am always fearing for when I need to start blocking out noises from my surroundings. During those times I just want to fly. I want to fly away from this family and soar into the sky where I won't hear the constant arguing and the freedom I would have up there. I want to fly to avoid hearing threats that worries me till the next day. I starting to able to handle and block out there arguments since my big emotional blow up a few months ago. But it is never feels good to know that out there they are arguing about something that could lead to something unthinkable.

I always fear the results of each argument, I just hope that over time these arguments would decrease and I can live a happy family life just like the life I have with my friends and boyfriend. Though even that doesn't come with no arguments or worries but at least there is more happiness, love and care then anything else.