Is it just hormones?

How did a great day turn out to be so crap? Recently I have been feeling quite upset and I am not sure I have any logic to why I am upset but then it is just my emotions are screwing up with all my thought process. then again do I even have a proper thought process??? AHHHH!!!! Everything is so confusing right now >.<

I was feeling happy and everything but then things just turn upside down. I discuss some serious matter with Ling not for long but it sort made me unhappy he had his reason and I understood them but for some reason I am not happy with it and I just cant get the point across and if I ask him I know that it wont end well but AHHH!!! I just have some much questions and I do look into the future a lot because I want to be able to have the future I want. I don't know. That can't be sorted out until I talk to him or meet him which is gonna be difficult cause he is gonna be playing games all night or so.

Second thing, is my parents... more specifically my dad. gosh he can be so irritating. the moment he comes home yelling and I forgot what that feels having to come home to him yelling for some reason and then I hear Ling's family full of laughter and happiness and my house is complete opposite and reason why I hate this family why I hate being at home. Another thing, don't take things that are not yours. FAR OUT if it is in my room don't f...ing take it. EVERYTHING I HAVE HAS MEANING AND IS IMPORTANT YOU CANT JUST DO THAT. I am so irritated I feel like I'm gonna explode I cant I just cant take it. >.<

Another Complaint about family or my dad is his way of thinking my GOSH do I hate it. he told me that in his days girls aren't meant to do certain things and for my generation it is different. I SO wanted to tell him well what kind of time period are we in now? We are not in the olden day period and therefore don't need and shouldn't be following those stupid rules. He then says that even in this period girls are meant to do more. WTF Why? how is this just? Why must girls follow all these rules and guys don't? I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND. I think girls and boys are equal and we should all be able to do anything we want. I think girls and boys should know how to cook and work and do whatever cause we individual should be able to take care of ourselves. I HATE HIS POINT OF VIEW. AHHHH F... Really wanna scream and swear.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME RIGHT NOW?!?!?!?! my gosh I need to cool down or something.

Wishful thinking

I really hoped he could come.  i really wanted to spend some time outside his room with him but we rarely ever do it.  it's too late for him to come but. . . i wish he will come after just surprise me but then again. . . thats wishful thinking.  like he once told i always have these things i wish he did but i never or rarely surprise him. . . so in some way i shouldn't expect him to appear in townhall at of no where especially after he finished work and feeling really tired. . . but part  of me still hopes that i will see him in the city waiting after the event. . . i miss him. . . sigh i gotta wake up and stop expecting him to come cause he won't.  wake up just stop hoping cause i will just get shut down =_= missing him

Overreacting. Pressuring. Lonely

Looking over somethings i did  and said. to be honest i regret it but upset about it too. things i did something that i made my friend upset and i was sort of peer pressuring in a way. i admit that i am in the wrong and shouldnt have dealt with something in thay manner. Now maybe i am thinking too much but i feel distant a bit with her cause of it. i dont know a feel a bit off today. so if she reads this i hope she knows i am sorry about what i did. hope she doesnt take it to heart.

Another thing is that i asked Ling if i should go if my friends dont and he said know i told him that i wanted to and why. Ling just said u r 20 not 200 u will have chances in the future but if u wanna go then go ahead. he has a point but still i just dont wanna miss an opportunity like this then again i guess i could u just go pats house and spend a night with him which doesnt sound to bad... sigh just feeling a little depressed with somethings now

Stuggling

When you live with someone you love and don't have to worry about your parents life seems fine. All I needed to focus was to keep the house clean and learn to cook, though I must admit at the time I didn't do a very good job. But honestly, recently things feel really difficult and I am finding it hard to keep up with it. Almost everyday, I seen him something has gone wrong and I just don't understand.

Sometimes, I feel like he is being unreasonable and not understanding my situation. But then again I understand where he is coming from at the same time and I am just struggling to balance things in my life right now. I wanna be able to have time to be at home and eat dinner with my family but I always want days were I can just stay with Ling. Then there is work that just makes things so much more difficult. I don't know what to do right now. I am exhausted and just mental burnt out.

Everyday, I been contemplating about my life and things I wanna do but haven't done it and it bothers me cause I have thoughts that I think will make him Happy then again I am worried about other things and I don't end up doing it. I don't know what I am saying >.<

Sigh...

This week and a bit of last week as well doesn't seem to be going well with me and I am just constantly feeling upset and unhappy and there are time I am happy but everything else around just depresses me. I tired of life right now and just struggling to find a balance.

Sigh...

I am gonna sleep and clear my head, I guess.

Pressure

My heart is hurting. i cant live my life like this what am i to do. I'm dying... drying... >~< help~~~

Please support this

This is something i cate deeply about cause oi love animals. so please if you could spare a few seconds of ur time to sigh this petition it would b great. i mean u already wasted a few seconds on this blog might as well use another few seconds to support this petition. thank you

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I'M 20!!! 20!!!

I havent blogged in quite a long time and was sort of planning to stop but there is this one thing that really bothering me today. my parents kept pestering me to go home and saying they hate my job but i love it. i love the people, i love working at night, i just love it.

What bothers me is that they can stop worrying and just treat me as an adult who can take care of themselves. honestly i am freaken 20 ok i am not in my teens and i for god sake 20. like seriously how long are you gonna treat me like a kid giving me curfews telling me to do this and that. im sick of it. i wanna have some freedom. i know i care but for god sake cant you let me go. let me explore the world my self. let me do what ever i want and if something bad happens that is my fault and my fault alone. let me make my own mistakes. let me be an adult. i cant be independent if you cant just let me do my own thing. freaken hell. so freaken pissed >:(