Sometimes pain is a relief. The only thing that seem to completely make me calm down from breaking down is physical pain. He had to take away the rare few nights that i get with him. My heart, my mind just crumbled. My sadness got the better of me and couldn't hold it and i just cried feeling this overwhelming wave of depression. I had to stop myself from falling to hard and i needed to stop myself. So i clawed my left arm. I scratched my arm till it was red and still sting afterwards no blood though. After that i felt calmer and writing up this blog calms me even more.
To be honest i don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just feeling depressed and some reason everything Ling's doing makes me unhappy. I shouldn't stop him from doing what he wants and i can't. . . What's wrong with me. I cant do this anymore. . . Gosh. . . Alright i gotta go distract myself. I cant let him know about this cant >~< he can't know I'm dying inside TT^TT
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