Left Behind. . .

This is obviously me thinking too much but you know, it as been bothering me. It could be because of my mood swings or just generally that I hate change.

So Ling, got a new job and I guess it was about time that he did. He loves his new job though, he loves the pay, the atmosphere, his new friends. . . collegues. . . I don't know why it bothers me so much in fact I should be happy for him and truth be told I am but I am also hating it too. You see, he works at the Star which is pretty much a casino place and he is training to be a dealer.

What bothers me is he works night shifts and I always hear him tell me about the girls in his team. Part of me like that he tells me these things but the other half is jealous and I am a very jealous person also a little possessive and clingy. . . Maybe a lot actually. I know I need to let him go not worry about him working with these girls but I can't help it.

I wish he didn't sometimes and I wish that I nothing changed but I know I can't wish that and I'm glad he is improving himself. Now that comes down to me. . . I don't have a job anymore and I'm feeling left behind like he is improving and moving into his future while I feel like I am stationary. . . Maybe I'm jealous about him doing something or being able to change while I'm not. . .

Sigh. . . Now reflecting on what I typed up I think I am a little too selfish and self-centred. Hmmmm Alright I guess I need to look at this differently. I am glad that Ling is finally getting somewhere and doing something in his life and I am happy for him. Just hoping he doesn't leave me behind. For me, I gotta get me act together. I will try find a job something with good pay that way I won't be relying on pat cause I don't wanna have to rely on him for money.

Sigh. . . I miss him now. . . :(