I feeling. . . depressed and I guess a little lonely. Even though I spent hours with him it feels like nothing because all I do is lay there playing my on phone games and doing whatever I can to just past the time. I don't wanna be spending my time with him only to be snuggling partner. I love him and I really wanna be able to spend time with as much as possible especially when we are busy but. . .
I understand he is really exhausted from work and I understand that I cant be selfish and not let him sleep just so he can spend time with me but it doesn't mean I cant be a little upset and lonely that all I get is a few hours are week to really just talk to him and hang out with him but most of the hours that I am with him a filled with him sleeping and hugging me like a pillow.
The one thing I look forward to now that he has work is being able to stay on a skype call with all night and I can only do that 2 days a week since he doesn't wanna skype me if he has work or uni the next day and I obviously can't when he is at work so there is really no chance for it now. Yet he forgets today. . . I guess I need to be more understanding but right now I sort of just wanna sulk and feel upset and lonely. . .
I guess I hide this feeling from him cause I don't want him to know about it. He needs me to be understanding and not someone who is only think about herself. I need make it seem as though I am ok and I wanna be able to be there for him. But tonight I think I will just let my feelings out by myself and forget about it the next morning.
Sorry if I been ranting a lot in my blogs I sort need a outlet to all my emotions so I don't end up saying things to Ling or my friends that potential called cause bad things to happen
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