Lost Myself

I feel that this may be a common problem among couples but i feel that i lost my own sense of identity. I never really took much notice to it before but suddenly today it just hit me. I've been quite moody recently and this isn't something out of the ordinary as it happens almost every month. But recently I have been very clingy and trying to get alot of attention from Ling which I don't really get cause he is so absorbed by his games. I am pretty sure I really irritated him especially at the end of tonight.

So today when i got home and took a shower, I kind of contemplated about my life and I realised that all these years I've been making a lot of effort of doing things for Ling like playing games with him so that I can spend time with him and I never really have my own hobby nor has he ever tried to put effort and spend time doing hobbies that I like. Of course I love having date night out where we can play arcade games, karaoke and things which Ling would go with me but those events only seem to happen on special occasions. Ling doesn't seem to enjoy going out a lot and loves spending his time in his room playing games. I am not saying that I don't enjoy playing games with him because I do but I am horrible at games and general Ling would move so ahead of me that I have to fend for myself and almost play by myself. Every game left me wondering why I am even playing this game when I started to play this game so I have something to do with Ling when we are together or even when we are apart. I feel that I have put so much of my time accompanying Ling that I don't ever think about what I wanna do and I don't think Ling ever thinks about trying the things I like to do.

I've come to realised that I used to love cycling and I think I wanna start doing that more often again. I would love Ling to join me on our bike rides but he doesnt have a bike and it also means it may cost money just to hire bikes to go riding together. It is just a lot of things u gotta do and I know for certain he would find it to troublesome. I love just hanging out singing or doing activities again it cost money to do them which is something we are having trouble with. But then again we would have money to do them if we stop using to on games... I love to play switch games but I don't think Ling like those kind of games.

Sigh... I don't even know anymore. I just find it so tiring now. I play a game so i can spend more time with Ling and he loves game but I am bad at them and really dont wanna spend the extra time learning how to get a better at a game that wasnt really my interest in the beginning. But if I dont spend that extra effort I get left behind by Ling and I end up playing by myself which wasn't the reason why i started to play the game at all.

Now, I am just thinking is it worth it. I always play the games so I can play with Ling and I know I am not really the gamer type of person. I just feel that I put myself in this relationship too much that I don't really do things or have things I like to do myself. It isnt like that Ling would be interested in participating in things I like to do anyway so what am I spending so much effort to fit in a hobby or game that I was never that interested in the beginning. I dont know its so hard now cause Ling has the problem of playing a game forgetting everything and everyone around him...

My mind right now is all mixed. I am so confused about a lot of things. Im just gonna go sleep cause I still got work 2mr. Night all.