I feel that this may be a common problem among couples but i feel that i lost my own sense of identity. I never really took much notice to it before but suddenly today it just hit me. I've been quite moody recently and this isn't something out of the ordinary as it happens almost every month. But recently I have been very clingy and trying to get alot of attention from Ling which I don't really get cause he is so absorbed by his games. I am pretty sure I really irritated him especially at the end of tonight.
So today when i got home and took a shower, I kind of contemplated about my life and I realised that all these years I've been making a lot of effort of doing things for Ling like playing games with him so that I can spend time with him and I never really have my own hobby nor has he ever tried to put effort and spend time doing hobbies that I like. Of course I love having date night out where we can play arcade games, karaoke and things which Ling would go with me but those events only seem to happen on special occasions. Ling doesn't seem to enjoy going out a lot and loves spending his time in his room playing games. I am not saying that I don't enjoy playing games with him because I do but I am horrible at games and general Ling would move so ahead of me that I have to fend for myself and almost play by myself. Every game left me wondering why I am even playing this game when I started to play this game so I have something to do with Ling when we are together or even when we are apart. I feel that I have put so much of my time accompanying Ling that I don't ever think about what I wanna do and I don't think Ling ever thinks about trying the things I like to do.
I've come to realised that I used to love cycling and I think I wanna start doing that more often again. I would love Ling to join me on our bike rides but he doesnt have a bike and it also means it may cost money just to hire bikes to go riding together. It is just a lot of things u gotta do and I know for certain he would find it to troublesome. I love just hanging out singing or doing activities again it cost money to do them which is something we are having trouble with. But then again we would have money to do them if we stop using to on games... I love to play switch games but I don't think Ling like those kind of games.
Sigh... I don't even know anymore. I just find it so tiring now. I play a game so i can spend more time with Ling and he loves game but I am bad at them and really dont wanna spend the extra time learning how to get a better at a game that wasnt really my interest in the beginning. But if I dont spend that extra effort I get left behind by Ling and I end up playing by myself which wasn't the reason why i started to play the game at all.
Now, I am just thinking is it worth it. I always play the games so I can play with Ling and I know I am not really the gamer type of person. I just feel that I put myself in this relationship too much that I don't really do things or have things I like to do myself. It isnt like that Ling would be interested in participating in things I like to do anyway so what am I spending so much effort to fit in a hobby or game that I was never that interested in the beginning. I dont know its so hard now cause Ling has the problem of playing a game forgetting everything and everyone around him...
My mind right now is all mixed. I am so confused about a lot of things. Im just gonna go sleep cause I still got work 2mr. Night all.
Saturday, 23 February 2019
Monday, 18 February 2019
Talking to the wrong people.
So I think I have talked about this before but my dad has some ... interesting... well not really interesting but... i guess horrible views that most people will hate.
My dad always thinks that my sister and my relationship was ruined because of my mum and her always picking fights but honestly he should really open his eyes. My mum... i guess sometimes spoils me and let me do things my dad doesn't which is usually why im close to my mum that and because she is way more understanding then my dad is. In fact a rock is more understanding then my dad.
Anyway so he is going through a lot of discomfort due to his therapy he is currently undergoing and i was wondering how to reduce nausea and vomiting. My mum explains says that it is similar to being pregnant sometimes if u have to vomit there is nothing u can do about it. But my dad is like vomiting in pregnancy is normal and not harmful to the body. I am not saying he is wrong and i understand that what he is going through defs more harmful but he said it in away that should he lack sympathy to other people and women specifically. He even later adds that a women's job is to give birth and if she cant handle that then she is kind of like worthless.
Now my dad is clearly talking to the wrong people here. He is talking to 2 females and saying that we should bare with our discomforts because that is what we are meant to do and have kids. Well what if a girl cant have kids for various medical, psychological or purely girls who dont wanna have kids. Does that make them useless? That view was stupid and he knew cause he didnt bother defending are arguing or just he knows that he is outnumbered. But that idea or view he said was outrageous and I was so mad hearing it. Like a women job isn't to give birth ok, we can do a lot of things.
There is possible people out there who still believe that all a women is good for it raising a kid and take care of the home. Well u know what these people need to get there mind back from the past and learn that women don't need your big strong man to provide the money or food for us. We can do it ourselves. I believe in equality. Who said that a man has to earn the money and who said a women has to a housewife. Who said males have to pay for meals and who said a women has to dress up and wear make up. It is stupid ideals that makes this world horrible.
Sigh I think I lost my point i was trying to get across... but point is ... EQUALITY ... (i think...)
My dad always thinks that my sister and my relationship was ruined because of my mum and her always picking fights but honestly he should really open his eyes. My mum... i guess sometimes spoils me and let me do things my dad doesn't which is usually why im close to my mum that and because she is way more understanding then my dad is. In fact a rock is more understanding then my dad.
Anyway so he is going through a lot of discomfort due to his therapy he is currently undergoing and i was wondering how to reduce nausea and vomiting. My mum explains says that it is similar to being pregnant sometimes if u have to vomit there is nothing u can do about it. But my dad is like vomiting in pregnancy is normal and not harmful to the body. I am not saying he is wrong and i understand that what he is going through defs more harmful but he said it in away that should he lack sympathy to other people and women specifically. He even later adds that a women's job is to give birth and if she cant handle that then she is kind of like worthless.
Now my dad is clearly talking to the wrong people here. He is talking to 2 females and saying that we should bare with our discomforts because that is what we are meant to do and have kids. Well what if a girl cant have kids for various medical, psychological or purely girls who dont wanna have kids. Does that make them useless? That view was stupid and he knew cause he didnt bother defending are arguing or just he knows that he is outnumbered. But that idea or view he said was outrageous and I was so mad hearing it. Like a women job isn't to give birth ok, we can do a lot of things.
There is possible people out there who still believe that all a women is good for it raising a kid and take care of the home. Well u know what these people need to get there mind back from the past and learn that women don't need your big strong man to provide the money or food for us. We can do it ourselves. I believe in equality. Who said that a man has to earn the money and who said a women has to a housewife. Who said males have to pay for meals and who said a women has to dress up and wear make up. It is stupid ideals that makes this world horrible.
Sigh I think I lost my point i was trying to get across... but point is ... EQUALITY ... (i think...)
Friday, 15 February 2019
Valentine Celebrations
So I had a pretty good Valentine's day and tbh I was expecting much since it is mutually agreed that we dont spend money on gifts but instead use that money to have a great day together. Because gifts is not important it is how you spend your time with the person you love and that is what we believe in. In fact, I was not even expecting to go out of V''day, I was thinking that we stay at his house like we always do play games and enjoy each others company. But he surprised me and I was very happy.
Pre-Valentine Celebrations (sort of)
So as always around this time of the year, Ling and I went to Kiama on the 7th -11th with his boys. Overall I enjoyed myself not sure about most people who went, but Ling and I defs had a great time. I told my parents that i was going for 7 days instead of the initial 5 days we went. So I spent the next couple of days at Lings. So this Kiama trip is usually our kind of valentine get away kind of trip which usually includes Ling's friends since we kind of made it an annual thing (which btw is probs the last of this annual trip which his boys). So for our V'day I wasnt expecting much since we already kind of celebrated it.
I arrived at his house about 1:30 and I believe he had just woken up not long ago. So I plopped myself down on his bed ready to get comfortable and he tells me:
" Give me an hour to finish somethings on the game and we go out"
My mind was like "what are you on about" and he knew exactly what was going on in my head and asked if I really believed that he was gonna let us spend V'day at home. So about 3 we headed out to the city. We didnt do anything super exciting tbh but it was fantastic for me cause we dont really go on dates like these anymore or we do but on special occasions.
Ling didnt get me a flower but that was ok with me because I knew it was pointless as it was gonna die in a few days anyway. Despite knowing this, I was a little jelly seeing couple carrying red roses everywhere and it made me want one but I didnt wanna ask cause it cause against everything I already told him before.
Anyway so we walked to Chinatown to get the delicious emperor puffs that we used to get all the time but we ended up forgetting about it until after dinner. After a short queue for the emperor puffs we went for a 2 hr long karaoke session at K2 which wasnt as good as I remembered it. For one please, let me know when time is almost up so I can skip the songs I didnt really wanna sing so I can try the songs I had been waiting for. But other than that, it was a blast.
After singing our voices out, we went to dinner at my favourite noodle store which in the end didn't even had the noodle I wanted. In saying, that I got to try something new and it was pretty good though I still prefer the one I usually get. After dinner we just travelled back home to play some games but not before stopping at the part we first kiss. We sat down and kind of enjoyed the moment. Didnt remember much of what happened till i read the blog about it an hour ago but nonetheless being at that spot just felt nostalgic. I still couldnt believe that 6 years ago at that specific place we had our first kiss and started our relationship.
I am so grateful for this day because he has become the most special person in my life. He is the one I believe I wanna spend my life with. I am sure he knows it but I love him so much and so happy he planned this day for us. I dont even know why I am tearing up when thinking about him and how much I love him. I know he wont ever read this but thank you for a great day, it might be simple but it meant a lot. I love you so much and I hope you know that.
Thank you guys for reading... it probs wasnt even that interesting and tbh i dont even think i put in the specific details that i wanted to remember... But oh well i am tired and bye bye for now.
P.S sorry for my many typos cause i usually cant be bother editing :P
Pre-Valentine Celebrations (sort of)
So as always around this time of the year, Ling and I went to Kiama on the 7th -11th with his boys. Overall I enjoyed myself not sure about most people who went, but Ling and I defs had a great time. I told my parents that i was going for 7 days instead of the initial 5 days we went. So I spent the next couple of days at Lings. So this Kiama trip is usually our kind of valentine get away kind of trip which usually includes Ling's friends since we kind of made it an annual thing (which btw is probs the last of this annual trip which his boys). So for our V'day I wasnt expecting much since we already kind of celebrated it.
I arrived at his house about 1:30 and I believe he had just woken up not long ago. So I plopped myself down on his bed ready to get comfortable and he tells me:
" Give me an hour to finish somethings on the game and we go out"
My mind was like "what are you on about" and he knew exactly what was going on in my head and asked if I really believed that he was gonna let us spend V'day at home. So about 3 we headed out to the city. We didnt do anything super exciting tbh but it was fantastic for me cause we dont really go on dates like these anymore or we do but on special occasions.
Ling didnt get me a flower but that was ok with me because I knew it was pointless as it was gonna die in a few days anyway. Despite knowing this, I was a little jelly seeing couple carrying red roses everywhere and it made me want one but I didnt wanna ask cause it cause against everything I already told him before.
Anyway so we walked to Chinatown to get the delicious emperor puffs that we used to get all the time but we ended up forgetting about it until after dinner. After a short queue for the emperor puffs we went for a 2 hr long karaoke session at K2 which wasnt as good as I remembered it. For one please, let me know when time is almost up so I can skip the songs I didnt really wanna sing so I can try the songs I had been waiting for. But other than that, it was a blast.
After singing our voices out, we went to dinner at my favourite noodle store which in the end didn't even had the noodle I wanted. In saying, that I got to try something new and it was pretty good though I still prefer the one I usually get. After dinner we just travelled back home to play some games but not before stopping at the part we first kiss. We sat down and kind of enjoyed the moment. Didnt remember much of what happened till i read the blog about it an hour ago but nonetheless being at that spot just felt nostalgic. I still couldnt believe that 6 years ago at that specific place we had our first kiss and started our relationship.
I am so grateful for this day because he has become the most special person in my life. He is the one I believe I wanna spend my life with. I am sure he knows it but I love him so much and so happy he planned this day for us. I dont even know why I am tearing up when thinking about him and how much I love him. I know he wont ever read this but thank you for a great day, it might be simple but it meant a lot. I love you so much and I hope you know that.
Thank you guys for reading... it probs wasnt even that interesting and tbh i dont even think i put in the specific details that i wanted to remember... But oh well i am tired and bye bye for now.
P.S sorry for my many typos cause i usually cant be bother editing :P
Update my life.
So I had originally decided to quit blogging though wanting to record important moments in my life since I am such a forgetful person. But I had a short conversation with my BFF, I thought why not? I can update my life with her since uni is going to start and we both be pretty busy and I can record precious memories that I probs forget about specific details in like a week or two. So lets do a kind of summary of the how I have been lately I guess for any people who actually reads this blog.
So it has been a about 2 years since I actually blogged about my life. So I am defs still in uni because I had took a gap sem in 2017 which end up delaying my whole course for a year. I study Bachelor of Primary Ed and the uni I go is really strict on the structure of units and things like that. Of course coming from an asian family my parents of specifically my dad was not happy about this decision. Even to this day, I will here him complain about me wasting half a year of my life to attend a stupid wedding.
For me the reason was simple. I had two part time jobs, study full time the first sem and the pressure of working, studying and splitting my left over time with my family, friends and my beloved Snorlax (which is Ling the guy dated since high school). I also had to attend my cousins wedding in China and planned to go with my sister to other places at the end of 2017. There were so many factors that went in my decision of taking a gep sem in my second sem of 2017 and I feel that it was a right decision it gave me room to breath and kind of relax. Part of me do regret since, technically I would have finished uni by now but the gap sem i took I defs do not regret.
So in 2018 first sem, there were a couple of elective units i decided to catch u on since i couldnt continue my course until the sec sem. Lets say I passed one cause I went on another trip which ended up disrupting one unit and causing me to get an absent fail. But regardless dont regret it cause I ended up choosing an elective that I was really interested in during summer school this year.
Nothing else really interesting happened over the two years. I have a great relationship with my Snorlax who I have been dating for almost 6 years, he is my everything, my high school sweet heart and my first love. If I wanna be honest I am actually really jelly with a couple of friends I knew that are already engaged who have dated their bf for a short time then I have. I really want that for myself but I also understand that I actually prefer to be engaged and get married when I am financially stable and I know Ling (this is what i used to call my bf on this blog so might as well stick with it) feels the same way.
Another major event that happened over the last 2 years is that my dad is now undergoing chemotherapy and technically considered as retired now. So my family situation has changed, though my dad other than his health has not. He is still so... not sure what to describe him as... I understand he is going through a hard time. I know he is upset, frustrated and uncomfortable but my mum truly cares for him and does what ever she can to help him overcome this difficult stage of his life. But no.. he isn't even grateful about it and even goes and disses every little thing my mum does. Insulting her and yelling. I can't even take it that he is just so stupid sometimes. But he is currently pulling through and things is just going day by day sometimes he feels fine sometimes he doesn't. Nothing can be done, we just have so what fate/god or what ever the future might hold for him.
I still feel the same way about my dad, not sure that i really care about him like I am meant too. I even had a dream of him passing away and I didnt feel sad but sort of relieved. Relieved that my mum can finally live her life and not have to tend to my dad every need. She has worked to hard and she needs a break. She needs to care for her own health too... sigh anyway off topic a little i guess.
So yeah, family life is different but still the same in many ways. I got great friends and the best (well best for me at least) boyfriend. So life is like it always have been going up and down like a roller coaster never knowing what bend is coming your way.
So it has been a about 2 years since I actually blogged about my life. So I am defs still in uni because I had took a gap sem in 2017 which end up delaying my whole course for a year. I study Bachelor of Primary Ed and the uni I go is really strict on the structure of units and things like that. Of course coming from an asian family my parents of specifically my dad was not happy about this decision. Even to this day, I will here him complain about me wasting half a year of my life to attend a stupid wedding.
For me the reason was simple. I had two part time jobs, study full time the first sem and the pressure of working, studying and splitting my left over time with my family, friends and my beloved Snorlax (which is Ling the guy dated since high school). I also had to attend my cousins wedding in China and planned to go with my sister to other places at the end of 2017. There were so many factors that went in my decision of taking a gep sem in my second sem of 2017 and I feel that it was a right decision it gave me room to breath and kind of relax. Part of me do regret since, technically I would have finished uni by now but the gap sem i took I defs do not regret.
So in 2018 first sem, there were a couple of elective units i decided to catch u on since i couldnt continue my course until the sec sem. Lets say I passed one cause I went on another trip which ended up disrupting one unit and causing me to get an absent fail. But regardless dont regret it cause I ended up choosing an elective that I was really interested in during summer school this year.
Nothing else really interesting happened over the two years. I have a great relationship with my Snorlax who I have been dating for almost 6 years, he is my everything, my high school sweet heart and my first love. If I wanna be honest I am actually really jelly with a couple of friends I knew that are already engaged who have dated their bf for a short time then I have. I really want that for myself but I also understand that I actually prefer to be engaged and get married when I am financially stable and I know Ling (this is what i used to call my bf on this blog so might as well stick with it) feels the same way.
Another major event that happened over the last 2 years is that my dad is now undergoing chemotherapy and technically considered as retired now. So my family situation has changed, though my dad other than his health has not. He is still so... not sure what to describe him as... I understand he is going through a hard time. I know he is upset, frustrated and uncomfortable but my mum truly cares for him and does what ever she can to help him overcome this difficult stage of his life. But no.. he isn't even grateful about it and even goes and disses every little thing my mum does. Insulting her and yelling. I can't even take it that he is just so stupid sometimes. But he is currently pulling through and things is just going day by day sometimes he feels fine sometimes he doesn't. Nothing can be done, we just have so what fate/god or what ever the future might hold for him.
I still feel the same way about my dad, not sure that i really care about him like I am meant too. I even had a dream of him passing away and I didnt feel sad but sort of relieved. Relieved that my mum can finally live her life and not have to tend to my dad every need. She has worked to hard and she needs a break. She needs to care for her own health too... sigh anyway off topic a little i guess.
So yeah, family life is different but still the same in many ways. I got great friends and the best (well best for me at least) boyfriend. So life is like it always have been going up and down like a roller coaster never knowing what bend is coming your way.
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