Worst Person Alive

I feel like the worst person ever. I am so clingy and selfish and I having so much problems recently. Everyday, I would for some reason get angry or upset and cry cause of Ling and it might not even be his fault it might just be some little insignificant things that just cause me to overeact. It happened so many times before and I know right now this has been my first period in such a long time and maybe that is why my emotions are becoming so. . . crazy. I can't think logically at all and even when I know I shouldn't do something I just can't help it. I can't.

Typing this blog is even making me so emotional. I am so angry and depressed all the time. I can't handle my emotions right. I wanna scream. I wanna cry. I feel like I am suffocating over everything I am feeling.

I wanna be angry at Ling cause I couldn't spend time with him today and that he isn't with me and I can't hear him or see him or just he isn't around. I really just want him to stay by my side and not go out and not do anything that isn't with me. I know I am selfish. I am being so selfish and clingy that I just want him next to me right now and not have a life and just stay with. I hate myself for think like this cause I shouldn't want him to have no life and just be at my every beckon call. I can't expect him to ditch his friends just to stay with me but I so want him too.

I stop myself just then from send a text to him telling him off for saying that he promise he would call me all night once he is home when I have feeling that he is gonna call me around the same time he always does. I don't wanna be mad at him for spending time with his friends cause I know he should have the time to do that and have fun without me there but. . . I can't help feeling alone and ignore and that I just want him to leave his friends for me.

This feeling makes me feel like the worst person ever cause I am being so self-centred and I want to be the person that thinks of others first and be happy and let my BF have so alone time. But I want him with me so badly that I am torn between being selfish and yelling at him for something subconsciously I know he has not fault in with being happy that he is happy with spending his time with his friends which he hasn't done in awhile.

I hate myself for being so emotional for making Ling upset and angry every time I have problems feeling moody. I hate myself for being so self-centred and selfish making Ling comfort me for my wrong doings. I hate that I act with out any rational thoughts and yell at him for nothing just cause he isn't doing things the way I want him to. I know not everything can go my way. I know he needs his guy time and spend timing with his friends. I wanna be support and happy for him and not make him worry or  angry about how I am feeling. But why am I feeling this. I hate this feeling. I don't know how to control these emotions and its killing me.

I'm the worst person ever TT^TT