Everything is Clear

I know understand why I have been upset recently, it was because I was getting my old friend and normally I get more upset during this time. I come to noticed that I get upset more easily this time and I love to pretend that I have mood swings just for the fun of seeing people's reaction especially from Ling. I hope friend who read this won't go telling him cause I prefer to keep pretending cause I like the attention I get from here.

I guess I have been feeling more upset recently is that I feel that Ling doesn't see the effort I put in to spend time with him. I am willing to play a game that I don't really like so I can play with him and have fun with him but I found out yesterday that there is a random other girl he meet over the game and he said it was his gaming girl-friend. I know he knows I am jealous person but I don't think he sees how much that really upset me especially during this emotional period I would be going through.

I not sure he noticed but it doesn't feel like he did. He was also meant to come over this morning but then he didn't. My assumption (could be wrong) was that he had been playing all night like always and didn't get enough sleep and decided not to come. I am was very upset about it and the increase in hormonal activity further my depression to the point I cried but no one knows this since I was alone at home and I never told anyone yet. I feel like I wasted my effort in doing so but I couldn't control it at that time.

I am not really upset about it anymore nor angry but I am a bit stubborn and want to give him the cold shoulder. However with the formal tomorrow, I feel like I would just be making a night that was meant to be fun into something I would hate forever. I decided not to let L:ing know how much sadness I felt a part of me really doesn't want to but I am. So much he doesn't understand and he never will.

Or maybe it is just the hormones that are running while making me act like this. I don't know I just feel depressed right now and not really in the mood to talk to Ling nor anyone else about this matter. So I am gonna drop it like every other time I have done before.