I was watching this drama today and like every other typical drama of a girl and guy falling in love. In the episode I was watching the main girl character, Cheng Liang Liang 程亮亮, is asking her father about what he felt when he fell in love. Her father answered that he said his heart was racing and that he didn't want that person to find out. But in the end everyone knew he was in love with his current wife except him. Cheng Liang Liang didn't understand how come everyone else knows her father is in love with her mother except her own father and her father replies that the people has a way to trick themselves and not know who you really are thinking about. Once I heard this and I thought "Omg this is so true in a way."
Thinking back to that scene, doesn't it sound weird that you don't know who you really thinking about or what you really feel about a certain person. But once you have been through that situation yourself you actually finally understand what it means cause you have experienced it once before. I felt that before unsure if I really like Ling as more than a friend or not but slowly as day by day we continued to talk over skype I found that I do. I realised that I couldn't wait to get home, go on skype and start talking to him. I felt so happy just talking to him. Come to think of it, I wonder how I missed the signs that he was interested in me. He had called me when he was at the gym and we talked for until he had finished his workout. We would be on skype into early the next morning on the weekends and we also had some private conversations before. I probably should have noticed it especially when we had a conversation about where our friendship was at. I can still remember it so clearly when he told me that we have already past friendship but not actually at a couple stage. Even after that conversation, I didn't believe that he was interested in me even though at that time I really wished he did and that he would confessed. I feel so silly for not noticing but of course that doesn't matter anymore because it all turned out alright. Though I know he had some idea that I liked him cause I might have let it seek through when we had sensitive question conversation since I asked, " If I said I like you would you go out with me?" (I might not have been exactly what I said but it was around about the same thing). He told me he would probably think about it for a week and that he probably try.
There was so many things he did that showed me that he was interested yet I choose to believe that he wouldn't like me. I never had any belief in myself, I don't really have much belief in myself now but I have become more mature and a little bit more confident. I still worry a lot but that is part of my life. Anyway, It is funny how when we are trying to figure out our feelings and the feelings of the ones we like but we don't see the signs that would help guide our way but the bystanders seem to see it loud and clear. Yet the bystanders can also never pick up the clues when it comes to them. Of course there may be people at there that can connect the dots as easy as they can breathe, however our heart has a way to prevent all observations. Our hearts is like a maze so confusing and hard to find the answer we are looking for but once we do it brings us some relief.
Don't give up, keep searching cause we will find it just need to keep calm and search our hearts and surroundings cause we will find the answer or just ask around a bit other people seem to see things more clearly then you would. ^.^
Bye-bees~
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