TIme to Think

Do you ever feel that you when you want to distracted yourself with something you can never be distracted but when you really want to concentrate you seem to get distracted a lot more easily? Well it is something I am going though right now and at times like these if I don't distract myself my mind will wonder and wonder to places I don't want to be in. In serious situations it feels like being suck in to a vortex of depression which I have been in a once this holidays and it was not a good feeling. 

Since Friday I have been having a weird heavy feeling and I don't know what is causing it. Today the heavy feeling is starting to disappear but the after effect (especially since I have no one to talk to and distracted myself) is me over thinking. It is never good when I over think which now I have more things to over think about which also returns me back to me believing that I am a pushover. You see, I had mention to Ling what I though about me being a pushover and defined the word which later he agrees with this statement. From everyone I talk to about this problem only Ling has ever agreed with my besides my sister who always says I am and need to change. Overall my friends tell me that I am not are they correct or are they being nice? Maybe I have a different side when I am around Ling than the side I am with my friends. Either way, Ling thinks I am a pushover and I don't want to be view this way especially by him.

Honestly, I think I am quite innocent, gullible pushover and I am always so worried that a guy I like would take advantage of that. There has always been a question on my mind and I never had the chance or the courage to ask it. But I have always wonder what made Ling be attracted to me and I don't think I have any positive physical features nor many positive characteristics. I want to know because I have always doubt my on abilities of even getting a guy to like me. I know I should look on the positive side of things, believe in myself but saying it is easy but putting this to actions is much harder for me. I don't want to be taken advantage of even though there is a high possibility that I will in the future. I guess this is the reason why I worry. I worry because I fear that people wil take me for granted and I lose the trust in my own ability. Though I have people I do trust and believe that they will not take me for granted but it is just some other people that I worry about.

T^T This is the reason why I should not think because I start wondering into bad thoughts. Actually my train of thought has lead to other thoughts that has been sad about me which is pushing me further down this vortex I do not wish you enter again. This is probably be the best time to stop type clear my mind think positively. Be happy and positive and rest well for the day ahead. 

So Goodnight and Bye-bees.