Truth Hurts

Everything, I thought has come true and knowing the truth stung more than I thought it would. It is so hard to control my emotions right now. Tears keep streaming done no matter how many times I tell them to stop.

Everything, I was told I already knew and so what had a feeling was gonna happen already. So I guess for the first time in my life, I have actually been a bit more observant I just didn't trust my judgement. All my good mood has gone down the drain but still I'm tryna fight back all my emotions. I wanna change and I have been planning to change ever since. . . a week or more cause since then I realised that something was off I guess.

I really wished that in the past, Ling would have listen to my suggestions about things cause if he did it wouldn't have ended up like it has today. I would have been seen as incompetent but it is all too late now. He ask me to self evalutate about myself so you wanna know what I think about myself well. .

CONS:
- Cant cook
- Very slow in everything I do
- Have no strength
- Cant drive
- Have poor social skills
- Bad and Hate when it comes to confronting people
- Panic too much
- Too emotional
- Blank out in important situations
- Too Stubborn for my on good
- Can be quiet selfish and self-centred sometimes
- No street smart

PROS:
- I'm Kind
- I'm Caring
- Finish things before the deadline
- Book study I can do (though doesn't meant I am smart)
. . . That's all the pros I have for myself. . .

I never had very high self-esteem of myself and I do see myself as someone that is worthless and useless but when I slowly build that up I get knocked down again. So yeah, you wanna know how I view myself there it is. I'm just a useless dependent person and I don't see any point in my existence to be honest. And I wasn't really meant to be in this world since my parents didn't really want another kid but when they were pregnant with me, my mum was gonna abort but my dad decided to keep it. So that is how I entered the world. So yeah, my existence was never that important anyway. . .

Sigh. . . alright I need to end this post before I can't control myself anymore. Plus I gotta do work and I don't want my parents to see me like this anyway. bye bye.