I recently been living with my beloved but know. . . I have one problem. . . I becoming more attached to him that. . . it hurts to see him leave or for me to leave the house. I miss him so much that I can hold it in. I wish he didn't go work and I wish I didn't go uni. Sort want time to stop when he is at my house and we can just stay in this house forever and eat and play and just spend our whole life like this. . .
I know, this impossible and soon my parents will come back and then everything revert back to the start. I really wanna move out with him and not to his house but with him in our own little rented apartment. I will learn to cook and do everything to keep that place clean. I will change and make life easier for him and I know he will do it for me. But I just wanna stay with him forever. . .
Sigh. . . then again with everything going on lately. . . I guess I am a little unsure of how my life is gonna turn out. . . his family isn't exactly a big fan of me right now and yeah I understand why. I am working on improving myself. I mean I learnt how to cook steak and that is something. I can clean but just a little lazy but hey things will change and it is easier to clean when he is around and I would clean now but he kind of did that for me already XP.
Sigh, I can't wait til I learn to cook a lot of different kind of food and that he will like. I gonna try build my courage tell my parents, move out and live independently. I will get better so that we can be perfect for each other just wait. . . But I really miss him right now :(
Monday, 12 September 2016
Don't let people put you down.
Hmmm... Not sure how I should really word this but. . . I been reading and I noticed something that I feel like I have in common with however still very different. Ling makes me feel depressed a lot of the times but I know that what he says is true because I know that I can and should improve myself.
The things he tells me are important aspects of life that I will need if I wanna live through this life especially by myself. But. . . If you know it is not you fault in a relationship then don't let your partner make you think it is. You should know yourself and know what if what you do is correct or not. If you are in a relationship with someone don't make they other person feel bad about something, don't constantly tell them how bad they are cause no one likes to be told that.
If I could help I would but unfortunately fate has separated us and yet I still care even though. . . there is so much things that has happened since then. To be honest, I wish you listened to my side of the story and trust what I said. . . But we can't rewind the time nor can I change what happened. However, I still care and Don't let anyone make you feel like you are trash cause you are not unless you know like me that you need to change something.
Sorry if this blog is a little random and doesn't seem to make sense just wanna say something to someone I knew but I can't really anymore.
The things he tells me are important aspects of life that I will need if I wanna live through this life especially by myself. But. . . If you know it is not you fault in a relationship then don't let your partner make you think it is. You should know yourself and know what if what you do is correct or not. If you are in a relationship with someone don't make they other person feel bad about something, don't constantly tell them how bad they are cause no one likes to be told that.
If I could help I would but unfortunately fate has separated us and yet I still care even though. . . there is so much things that has happened since then. To be honest, I wish you listened to my side of the story and trust what I said. . . But we can't rewind the time nor can I change what happened. However, I still care and Don't let anyone make you feel like you are trash cause you are not unless you know like me that you need to change something.
Sorry if this blog is a little random and doesn't seem to make sense just wanna say something to someone I knew but I can't really anymore.
Monday, 5 September 2016
Truth Hurts
Everything, I thought has come true and knowing the truth stung more than I thought it would. It is so hard to control my emotions right now. Tears keep streaming done no matter how many times I tell them to stop.
Everything, I was told I already knew and so what had a feeling was gonna happen already. So I guess for the first time in my life, I have actually been a bit more observant I just didn't trust my judgement. All my good mood has gone down the drain but still I'm tryna fight back all my emotions. I wanna change and I have been planning to change ever since. . . a week or more cause since then I realised that something was off I guess.
I really wished that in the past, Ling would have listen to my suggestions about things cause if he did it wouldn't have ended up like it has today. I would have been seen as incompetent but it is all too late now. He ask me to self evalutate about myself so you wanna know what I think about myself well. .
CONS:
- Cant cook
- Very slow in everything I do
- Have no strength
- Cant drive
- Have poor social skills
- Bad and Hate when it comes to confronting people
- Panic too much
- Too emotional
- Blank out in important situations
- Too Stubborn for my on good
- Can be quiet selfish and self-centred sometimes
- No street smart
PROS:
- I'm Kind
- I'm Caring
- Finish things before the deadline
- Book study I can do (though doesn't meant I am smart)
. . . That's all the pros I have for myself. . .
I never had very high self-esteem of myself and I do see myself as someone that is worthless and useless but when I slowly build that up I get knocked down again. So yeah, you wanna know how I view myself there it is. I'm just a useless dependent person and I don't see any point in my existence to be honest. And I wasn't really meant to be in this world since my parents didn't really want another kid but when they were pregnant with me, my mum was gonna abort but my dad decided to keep it. So that is how I entered the world. So yeah, my existence was never that important anyway. . .
Sigh. . . alright I need to end this post before I can't control myself anymore. Plus I gotta do work and I don't want my parents to see me like this anyway. bye bye.
Everything, I was told I already knew and so what had a feeling was gonna happen already. So I guess for the first time in my life, I have actually been a bit more observant I just didn't trust my judgement. All my good mood has gone down the drain but still I'm tryna fight back all my emotions. I wanna change and I have been planning to change ever since. . . a week or more cause since then I realised that something was off I guess.
I really wished that in the past, Ling would have listen to my suggestions about things cause if he did it wouldn't have ended up like it has today. I would have been seen as incompetent but it is all too late now. He ask me to self evalutate about myself so you wanna know what I think about myself well. .
CONS:
- Cant cook
- Very slow in everything I do
- Have no strength
- Cant drive
- Have poor social skills
- Bad and Hate when it comes to confronting people
- Panic too much
- Too emotional
- Blank out in important situations
- Too Stubborn for my on good
- Can be quiet selfish and self-centred sometimes
- No street smart
PROS:
- I'm Kind
- I'm Caring
- Finish things before the deadline
- Book study I can do (though doesn't meant I am smart)
. . . That's all the pros I have for myself. . .
I never had very high self-esteem of myself and I do see myself as someone that is worthless and useless but when I slowly build that up I get knocked down again. So yeah, you wanna know how I view myself there it is. I'm just a useless dependent person and I don't see any point in my existence to be honest. And I wasn't really meant to be in this world since my parents didn't really want another kid but when they were pregnant with me, my mum was gonna abort but my dad decided to keep it. So that is how I entered the world. So yeah, my existence was never that important anyway. . .
Sigh. . . alright I need to end this post before I can't control myself anymore. Plus I gotta do work and I don't want my parents to see me like this anyway. bye bye.
Saturday, 3 September 2016
Irritated, Depressed, Annoyed All In One
Far out, I've been having a bad day. Sort of had an argument with Ling and idea what started or why it started but I was annoyed at him and then he got pissed at me. But the whole thing just kind of disappeared after he woke up later. But I was feeling upset about everything and a lot of things are spinning in my head, making me feel so irritated.
Another thing that is getting on my nerves is my parents constant arguing tonight it was sooooo annoying and to be honest my dad is being so unreasonable. Yelling and expecting things that is just absurd. One thing I real find annoying was my dad not letting my mum spend time for herself so she can meet up with her side of the family. All my dad wants my mum to do is accompany him and tour and visit his family. CAN YOU GET ANYMORE SELFISH? I bet if I asked him my future husband didn't let me visit my parents he would be like screw that guy stay away from him or leave me stay with me cause all he cause about is himself.
His logic and stubbornness is so stupid part of me feels that I got most of my stubbornness from him which really bothers me. . . sigh. . . I really just wanna scream and through a big tantrum until I feel better but I don't think that is the best idea.
Another thing that is getting on my nerves is my parents constant arguing tonight it was sooooo annoying and to be honest my dad is being so unreasonable. Yelling and expecting things that is just absurd. One thing I real find annoying was my dad not letting my mum spend time for herself so she can meet up with her side of the family. All my dad wants my mum to do is accompany him and tour and visit his family. CAN YOU GET ANYMORE SELFISH? I bet if I asked him my future husband didn't let me visit my parents he would be like screw that guy stay away from him or leave me stay with me cause all he cause about is himself.
His logic and stubbornness is so stupid part of me feels that I got most of my stubbornness from him which really bothers me. . . sigh. . . I really just wanna scream and through a big tantrum until I feel better but I don't think that is the best idea.
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