First Ever House Party

Never been to house party before and this time was the first time I ever went. To be honest is was a good and bad experience. I am little tired. So I shall, name it in dot points.

I like the experience of going to a house party though I don't like the atmosphere as much and the drinking.
I love the cute dog but he sort went crazy and jumped at me and kind of scared.
I was very social and thought it would be better if I had friends there
Had a very awkward meeting with a primary school friend
Meet some nice people there
I saw how Ling was like a party maybe he is just like that when I am around but if not I realised he is such a nice and caring person.
Don't like how guys took advantage of girls and kissed them when they are drunk
Didn't like how people vomited after drinking to much and passing out.

Other than that I guess I had a pretty good day :)

Family Issue

You know, I was listening to Ling's advice on family things and how his advice to my friend. He even asked what he thought of mine and in someway he is right but then. . . but then I still don't agree. Yes my sister has effect my thoughts on my father not only that everything he does. You know, no one knows what I have seen in the past and I don't know if anyone would ever know. 

You know I hear some many things about family things. Ling and BB both are improving their family relationship and it seems that my friend is having a tough time currently which I think may relate to family. I don't understand. . . I think some parents are just selfish. I think some parents just think for themselves and won't there child to do something for the benefit of themselves. For example jobs they want you to get a good job and in the future take care of them. 

SIGH~~~ family is just not something I can handle. I am closer to friends than I am with my family I just can't handle them or deal with them it is hard. So hard. 

What Is this?

I can't believe how clingy I am becoming, but then again I have this restrictions and it just makes these separations worse. >.< I don't know anymore.

You know throughout my uni life so far, I haven't spend so much time with Ling. In high school, you always see your friends everyday and I never had the time to spend with pat as much. But with Uni life, all your friends from high school go to different uni's make new friends do different things and the only one that would really always stay with you is ur BF. Not the case with some people but definitely in my case.

You know, I had a different view about Uni. Looking at how my sister turned out with hers I felt that for me it would be the same but it isn't. Most of the friends you make in high school doesn't seem to stay with you and it is hard when there are some people that just don't try to make the effort to actually stay in contact with you. Even before uni started, you would have realised who are the ones you would keep in contact cause contact them outside of school often.

This wasn't exactly the main point I was trying to get out sort of went of track.

Anyway going back on track, this feeling I am having is that I really miss Ling. Like it feels odd that haven't spend any of my time in the weekend to spend with him and at first I feel that I haven't been at home for awhile and I should. But then again, I kept thinking about Ling and I kept missing him and it feels painful and when I saw a photo of him on snapchat it  gave this sort of weird feeling. I kept looking at the photo over and over again. I just. . . I am really in love with him and I never knew that this is what it feels like to love someone so much.

I wanna spend everyday, every minute and every second with him if I could. But I am bound into a family into a tradition where my parents restricts me from going out to late and partying and having fun like the normal Australian young adults do. I hate being in an asian family that is so traditional that they stop you from what you want to do. Or maybe I am just too scared. Too scared of having no family to go to when I am in need. Too scared that I lose they only shelter I really have right now. Too scared of just upsetting them.

I know I have Ling to always go to but there is a tiny part of me where I think what if somethings happens and I don't have him what would I do then.

I hate being judge and that is all people do they judge you for what you do and for who you are. They may not say it but they think and I hate it.

AHHHH. . . I am rambling on and I don't even know what I am going on about. But the point is, I miss him and I wish I could move out with him and parents wouldn't give a crap if I did and what I did and just let me make my own choices and not care (though I know they are just worried about me). I need them to let me just spread my wings and leave the nest and have my independence. Sometimes I wish I was an animal where you parents care for you till you are old enough to just survive on your own. Animals have no need for money or beauty or anything like that. They just need to eat, sleep, drink survive and find a mate and have a happy family (though some animals have many mates and many families. . . which I don't want that to happen O.O)

Oh well. . . I just miss him =.=

I made a decision.

I have decided now, I am gonna start blogging again. The reason is because I remember why I blogged in the first place. I blogged so I can keep up to date with the people I know that reads this and I want to still keep them in my life. I know that it sometimes reminds me of a old friend who introduced blogging to me but I don't care about her anymore. As you go through life, you know who are the friends that are worth keeping and those that are not.

I have to note though I won't be constantly blogging. So much things happening now that I can't blog on every single detail and on some days that are quite there tends to be nothing to blog about or that I have to finish off some assessments.

So yeah, I guess I will blog a bit more now. Though I don't feel there is anything in particular I wanna blog about today other than my new decision.

So for now, bye bye :)

A wonderful start of the week

Partly back I guess. I been feeling a little down and I was gonna talk to Ling about it but I ended up not saying anything to him. You see, the first thing I woke to on a Monday morning was a the clashing of pots and pans onto the ground. Yet again, my parents fighting up something. How much things can you fight when u r a couple my gosh it is annoying.

My mum told me she gonna divorce my dad for the one billionth time. Should I believe it this time for a minute I wanted to. I wanted to believe that I would stop hearing the constant argument repeating itself over and over again. It is sort of like ur life is on repeat with. Sigh~ Maybe to some people that you would rather ur parents together then being apart but think about it. Do you really wanna live in a household where all you hear is arguments?

I really wish that my parents just say what they always say and get a divorce so I can live in peace but I know it wont happen. It never happens.

I stay at my BF's house often now and I am envious. I am envious at who wholesome his family is. Never heard yelling are argument just so peaceful. He has a happy and completely family. I wanting to move out of the house more and more but currently I don't have the money to do so.

I am just so sick of the arguments and I feel like at home there is no conversation where people are just speaking quietly to each and enjoying the conversation. I feel that every thing I hear at home are just screams and yells.

Ugh. . . I don't know. . .

I know not a lot of people would read this now but if anyone I know who reads this (are reads these post before though I feel there wouldn't be anyone else) I am not actually back I just needed a place to rant out somethings that are bothering me.

Bye Bye for Now